Interupting Bella
by Klutzzy55
Summary: Origanilly a oneshot, but it was hard to resist! How does doghnuts, Rosalie, and hair mix? What is Emmett's blinky thing? Why does Alice despise McDonalds? How can Jasper be a life gaurd? What is Esme better at doing than Carlisle? LOVE REVIEWS!
1. Chapter 1

One bright and sunny Saturday, the Cullens, along with Bella, were stumped at what they should do. They could not go outside unless they wanted cars to crash from their unusual appearance, unless your Emmett and is begging Jasper for him to join, they sat on the couch thinking.

Emmett looked at the chandelier and then Bella. He smiled an evil smile.

"Dont even think about it Emmett!" Edward growled.

Emmett's smile dropped and crossed his arms like a 5 year old, but yet flaunting his muscles.

He then looked at the kitchen, then the oven, and then back to Bella with yet another evil grin.

"Not a chance." Edward snarled. Bella looked at him confused but he kept glaring at Emmett.

"Oh come on Edward! Like I would actually do that." he sniffed, he looked away and thought some more evil plans.

Edward let out a growl, "Shut up Emmett!"

Emmett laughed until Rosalie slapped his arm making it sound like two rocks clicking together.

He pouted and rubbed were Rosalie hit him, "That hurt." he whined.

"Good." she said and looked at the TV.

Bella sighed and Edwards arm tightened around her pulling her closer to his chest. She was then squirming around under his grip.

"Edward!" she said faintly.

He looked down at her, "Yes?" he said in a dazzling tone.

"Cant...breath!" she said. He immediatly lossened his grip but her eyes were still wide.

"Breath Bella." he said.

She shook her head, "I have an idea!" she said.

"Oh! Is it a make over! Or shopping! Or, oh I know! How about both!" Alice said immeadiatly.

Everyone stared at her with eyes that told her she was strange, Jasper twitched away.

Bella took a deep breath, "Umm...no, not that Alice."

She frowned and looked at Jasper, "You'll let me give you a make over...wont you Jazzy?" she said in a small voice like you talk to a puppy.

He looked at Emmett who was snickering and then Edward who read Emmett's mind and burst out laughing, and then back to Alice, "Uh..."

"You know you want one." she said suductively.

He loosened the collar around his neck and gulped, "Umm...I do?"

She leaned in closer, "Uh huh..."

His eyes grew wide and he looked at Edward for help, but Alice pulled his face to look at her, "Your getting a make over whether you like it or not!" she growled and pulled, or dragged, him up the stairs.

We heard a click from the bathroom door and then a girly squeal...and it wasnt Alice.

"SAVE ME!!!!" Jasper squeeled.

"SIT DOWN AND PUT ON THAT PINK ROBE THIS INSTANT!" Alice ordered.

"Ye...yes Alice." Jasper said in defeat.

They all looked at the stairs, all the guys were frightened no doubt by the last time they had one.

Emmett suddenly had a hat in his hand and put it over his heart, "Far well my good brother, we all knew your manly self well." he said frowning.

Rosalie hit him again and he winced, "Owwyy!" he said.

"Act your age or your joining Mr. Fruitcake!" she said gesturing upstairs.

He curled his lips behind his teeth making it look like he had none, "Yes ma'm." he said in a 99 year old man's voice.

She smacked him again, "Your human age!"

He snickered and gave her a dazzling smile. She rolled her eyes but tried not to smile.

Bella stared at everyone with huge wide eyes, "Ooookay." she said.

She clapped her hands together, "So heres what I thought we should do, we should--"

"NOT THE PINK ONE! ANYTHING BUT THE PINK ONE!" Jasper squeeled.

"ITS THAT OR THE ONE WITH SPARKLES!" Alice growled.

There was a silence, "OKAY! OKAY THE PINK!" he said.

Edward shook his head, "Poor guy."

Bella sighed, "Can we move on?"

"Not like anyone is listening." Rosalie sneered.

Edward gave her a glare and she crossed her arms. She told him to bite her and he said Carlisle already did in their little heads.

Bella bit her lower lip softly, trying not to bite it to hard were it would bleed and Jasper would get a new make over from Edward. And its not professional.

Edward shifted his body to Bella, "I would like to hear what you want to do."

Bella smiled and turned her body to him too, "Okay, so we should-"

Carlisle came in the house, slamming the door so hard the door knob left a dent in the wall. Esme wont be too happy.

Bella jumped and everyones eyes were on Carlisle, who was screaming on the phone.

"No! No! I never did that to your wife! And I have no clue how you got that idea!" there was a pause and his face scrunched up.

"WELL YOUR WIFE WAS WRONG! I NEVER DID THAT TO HER! AND I NEVER WILL!" there was another pause.

"What do you mean why wouldnt I?! _Shes your wife!_...Of course she is attractive but...NO! NO! I didnt mean it that way! I meant shes attractive for you but not me...shes attractive to you but not me..." his voice got real low.

"Listen here, Im not going to argue okay? I just dont find your wife pretty enough for me to do that. She your type, not mine. I only have one person I would do that too, okay? And she happens to be my wife. Sorry for the miscomunnication but obviously your wife has lost it...YEAH! YEAH! thats exactly what I said!...Oh shut up! Just get off the phone, youve wasted my time enough...yeah yeah whatever good bye." he shut his phone.

He gritted his teeth and stared at the phone for a long time.

Bella looked at him shocked and Edward cleared his throat trying to get his attention.

Carlisle looked up from the phone crumbling in his hands and looked at everyone starring at him with wide eyes.

He smiled sheepisly and chuckled without any humor, "I uh...miscalculations..."

Edward nodded, "Again?"

Carlisle looked at him, "Uh, yeah! Yeah...er...a nurse, she uh let her imagination go..."

Edward nodded, "Ill tell them later."

Carlisle smiled, "Dont tell Esme, last time she got...well...upset."

Bella looked confused, "Last time?"

Carlisle pursed his lips, "Yeah, Kendra she uh...prefers me more then her husband, Im her...fantasy."

Bella looked at Edward and away, "How many times has this happened?"

Carlisle rocked on his heels, "This is the 10th."

Bella's jaw dropped. Edward looked at her, "You should hear the stories she makes up...actually...no...no I really dont think you should." He frowned.

Emmett looked at Carlisle, "What was it this time?"

Carlisle looked at him and Rosalie, "She said that me and her were in the work room expressing our love for each other."

Emmett snorted, "And thats why her husband got so upset?"

Carlisle tilted his head, "She said it lasted 14 hours."

Emmett stopped and stared at him. Rosalie sighed, "And the real story?"

He sighed, "I offered her a donut, I told her I didnt like the ones with nuts. She took it and said she loved the ones with nuts and I smiled at her while handing it to her..." he shuddered.

Rosalie tried not to laugh, "Shes so weird! What color was her hair?"

We all looked at Rosalie with an eyebrow raised.

Carlisle looked at her, "Red...why?"

Rosalie shrugged, "Blondes like sprinkle donuts, Brunettes like chocolate, Blacks like glazed, and Reds like nutty ones."

"NOT TRUE!" Alice called from upstairs.

"UH HUH! I'LL PROVE IT!" she said.

She looked at Bella, "You, with the mucky brown hair, whats your favorite kind of donut?"

Bella jumped back, "Chocolate."

Rosalie smiled, "SEE!" she yelled to Alice.

Emmett perked up, "What about people with Bronze or Carmel hair?"

Edward narrowed his eyes at him, but was yet curious also.

Rosalie shrugged, "Easy, Bronze like Cinnamon and Carmels like...well...carmel."

Emmett crossed his arms, "Okay, what about a blonde that got highlights? Or is getting them." he referred to Jasper.

"SAVE ME!" Jasper yelled.

Rosalie looked up the stairs, "Donut holes, drr."

Carlisle got in, "Okay, what about people streaked hair?"

Emmett perked up, "Did you say streaking?!"

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Not like that! And no, were not doing that...again." she shuddered.

Edward sniffed, "Yeah, Charlie has been here more than hes been at his own house."

Bella blushed.

"Anyway, streaked hair people like Jelly filled."

"White hair?" Carlisle asked.

"Powdered donuts, of course." she said examining her nails.

"Gray hair?" Edward asked. Bella looked at him and he shrugged.

"Coffee donuts." she said.

Emmett perked up, and jumped to his feet, "How about this...blue haired girls!"

They all nodded agreeing, that was hard.

"Ha, ha what a challenge," Rosalie said sarcastically, "Blueberry."

He hit his forhead, "Dang! I should have known."

"Pink haired?" Bella said in a small voice, but since the room was filled with vampires, they heard her.

"Strawberry." Rosalie growled. Bella backed down.

"How do you know all of this?" Edward asked.

She turned her direction towards him, "If you dont remember I worked at a donut shop before thank you very much."

Emmett smiled, "Oh yeah!", then he frowned, "Hey, didnt someone hit on you there?"

She smiled succesfully, "Sure did. I still have his number."

Emmett shot a mad glare at her, "Whats his name? His hair color? His date of birth? His eyes color? His height? His weight? His age? Where was he born? Where does he live? IM GONNA KILL HIM!"

Rosalie looked at him, "His name is John, his hair color is brown, his date of birth is March 13, his eye color is hazel, his height is 6'2, his weight is...Im not sure, his age is 20, he was born in New Jersey, and he lives there also."

Emmetts jaw dropped, "How do you know this?" he squeeked.

She pressed her hand to his chest, "Not like I cheated on you, he just flat out told me. Literally he came up to me and told me flat out everything."

Emmett snarled and then looked at Carlisle, "You dont mind if I take a trip to New Jersey for a long time?"

Carlisle rolled his eyes and walked upstairs.

"CARLISLE! JUST IN TIME! I JUST GOT THROUGH WITH JASPER AND GUESS WHAT? ITS YOUR TURN!" Alice screamed.

Carlisle let out a girly scream and was down the stairs and in Emmetts arms shaking like a leaf. They look at each other and Carlisle hops out and smooths out invisible wrinkles embarassed.

Alice was in his face in no time and grabbed his tie, "There you are! I thought you had ran away from me for a second! But I knew you better than that! Come on, I got some left over hair dye!" she dragged him up the stares while Jasper came back down, well, stumbled is more of the word, since he was dazed and scared for life.

Emmett looked at him and started laughing, "You look like a clown!"

His hair was a shade lighter blonde and had blue eye shadow on. His lips where shiny and he wore no doubt a half a tube of mascara. Nothing happened to his out fit but he had on a pair of stilettos. His blush was in two even pink circles on both cheeks. He had on strip of eye liner on his top eye lid.

Bella covered her mouth and tried not to laugh.

Alice was suddenly in front of Emmetts face with an evil look in her eye, "I wouldnt be laughing," she said like a murder, "Your next." she said, then disappered.

Emmett stopped laughing and instead looked as if he had witnessed a murder, his murder.

Edward pointed and laughed at Emmett. Rosalie shot him a glare.

"YOU TOO EDWARD!" Alice called.

He stopped and had the same look as Emmett.

Jasper came down and sat with Rosalie and Emmett since they were farther away from Bella.

Edward looked at Bella finally after he was done with his trance, "Uh...love, what were you trying to say?"

Bella looked away from Jasper and smiled at him, "Oh right, well I think we should-"

"CARLISLE CULLEN!" Esme said walking in. Carlisle was at her side with his hair sticking up with aluminum in it.

"Yes dear?" he said. Everyone uncovered their ears to hear.

"What is this?" she hissed pointing to the dent in the wall.

He opened his mouth but then shutted it. He crossed his arms and covered his mouth with his hand. Then wiped his mouth with it, "I have no clue."

She pointed a finger at him, "Dont you dare lie to me! Dont even try! Tomorow when Lowes or Home Depot is open, guess where your going to be?"

"Work?" he said hopefully.

She pursed her lips, "Okay, after work."

He winced, "Home?"

She slapped his arm, "Your visiting Home Depot!"

Emmett snickered and she looked at him, "Whats so funny?" she asked in a kinder voice.

"I think its just funny how Home Depot is spelt, I mean, if you draw it out its spelt like De Pot!"

Everyone looked at him like hes lost it, which isnt the first time.

"What? Its true." he said.

Jasper was suddenly holding a peice of paper with his beautiful handwriting on it, "Hes right."

He showd Carlisle, who showd it to Esme, who showd it to Bella, who showd it to Edward, who showd Emmett, who showd Rosalie, who crumbled it up and showd it to the trash can.

Esme poked her finger in Carlisles chest, "Tomorow." she snarled.

"Yes dear, how was your day?" he asked.

She slammed the door which she now noticed was open still, "Good, I found flowers for the new garden Im starting."

Edward was the one who snickered this time.

Esme looked at him, "What is it this time?" she asked.

Edward looked at Carlisle, Carlisle pleaded for Edward not to tell Esme what he said in his mind. Which was , 'Oh great, thats the fourth garden shes going to kill.'

Edward looked back at Esme, "Nothing, Alice told me a funny joke, it went something like this. Carlisle better get back up there or else he's not going to be a blonde for long...something along the lines of oh I dont know..."

"BLACK!" Alice said.

Carlisle's eyes widened and he ran up the stairs after kissing Esme's cheek.

She smiled and came over to sit next to Emmett, again, away from Bella.

"Also," Emmett said, "I always wondered about PetSmart. Is it Pet Smart, or Pets Mart?"

Everyone looked stumped, "I think it depends on where you live. Like in the south or north." Esme said.

They all nodded their heads.

Edward looked at Bella again, "You were saying?"

She smiled, "The perfect thing I thought of was-"

"HOLD STILL!" Alice screamed.

"BUT YOU NEVER WAXED MY EYEBROWS BEFORE!" Carlisle whined.

"WELL I LOST THE TWEEZERS NOW HOLD STILL!" she screamed.

Emmett sighed and shuddered, "I remeber when that happened to me."

Jasper nodded, "Yeah, but mine looked good."

We all looked at him, "Their still the same, doofus." Rosalie said.

"No way! Mine too!" Emmett squealed.

"When did she do that?" Bella asked.

"When we where developed." Edward said.

Bella looked confused, "Like, right after or when you knew each other, or perhaps a few weeks later."

"A few weeks later." all the men said together, even Esme.

Bella looked at her, "She did yours too?"

She shook her head, "Oh no, mine where fine. But once magazines were invented and it said how eyebrows should look, well, the men had no choice."

They all shuddered at once.

"CARLISLE! GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" Alice screamed.

Carlisle was at the last step of the stairs, "YOULL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"

"Your already dead, stupid!" Rosalie said.

Esme scolded her and she shut up.

Carlisle jumped over the couch and landed next to Esme, "Hello."

She gave him a smile.

Alice came down with scissors, "Here, Carlisle, Carlisle, Carlisle." she said acting like she was calling a cat.

"Stop Alice." Edward said. She shot him a glare.

"Just hold on for a second at least." he said.

"Why?" Rosalie said enjoying Carlisle looking like a mouse in the eyes of a snake.

"Bella has something to say." he said. He looked at Bella.

She smiled and everyones eyes where on her, "I had a plan. Since it was bright outside you know."

"Spit it out Swan." Rosalie said.

Bella jerked back but stood her ground, "Okay, I came up with something fun that we could all participate in since we are all here now."

"What is it dear?" Esme said.

Bella smiled, "We all have a contest!"

Emmett perked up, "What kind of contest!" he squeeked.

She clapped her hands together, "We see who can hold their breath the longest!" she smiled.

Everyone stared at her like she had lost it.


	2. Mail Time

I looked around the corner for anything that might drop on my head, dye my hair, punch me, have flying at me etc..

It the worst day of the year! No, not bad Friday, if there is one, but the only day of a certain month when all goes wrong...April 1st.

I shuddered and kept peeking around the corner, the coast was clear. I walked out and sat on the couch. I flipped through channels till I found something promising, The History Channel.

Todays lesson was about ships and lost treasure...pirates. I wonder if they had a special some day about vampires?

"Nope, it would be on Sci Fi." Edward said coming in. He sat down with Bella away from me like I had asked. She smiled at me and I returned the favor.

"Have you seen Emmett?" I asked.

Bella shook her head, "No."

"He might be doing something because hes trying to cover it up." Edward said.

I sighed and looked out the window. Carlisle's car rolled up the drive way with Esme in the passenger seat. I looked back at the TV.

Edward looked too and saw them and looked at Bella, "Are you hungry?"

She looked away from the TV, "Not really."

"So you basically are?" I said.

She looked at me, "I could snack on something."

Edward got up and walked to the kitchen. He opened a box of donuts that Rosalie had bought, Rosalie the Dounut expert. I laughed mentally.

Since Bella's hair was yet brown, she got a dozen chocolate. Edward piled them on a plate and brought them out to her. She smiled while taking them but went, "I really dont have to eat anything right now, Ill wait till I get home."

Edward rolled his eyes, "Just because its our food doesnt make it poisonous."

My eyes widened and I slapped the donut away from Bella's hand and brought the whole plate over to me.

She froze in her position before I slapped it out of her hand.

Edward glared, "What are you doing?"

"Poisonous, Emmett might have done something to this. He did it to me one year." I said fast.

Bella blinked a couple of times and Edward rolled his eyes, "He poisoned a donut?"

"No, a cookie." I answered.

Alice was by my side, "Did somebody say make over?!" she chirped.

My eyes widened, "Of course not." I said really fast.

Her smile faded and her eyes narrowed, "You, in the bathroom at 5:00 pm sharp. And dont let me catch you with another cookie!" Then she dissapeared.

I looked at Bella and had a shaky laughter, "Ha, she uh...," I cleared my throat, "Gotta love your wife."

Bella shook her head and looked at Edward, "Yes you do."

He didnt notice since he was flipping through the channels and stopped on vh1 music video count down.

I saw it was Hinder "Better Than Me". I watched how there was a guy doing this weird position then the girl walked in and finds drugs or something. She runs outside to find him and she trys to help him. But then he goes crazy and throws everything everywhere and pushes her down and, jeez, hes not in a happy mood! Glad I wasnt there! I looked away and watched out for Emmett, you never know when he could be lurking around. But, what if it wasnt Emmett this year? What if it was Carlsile? Just then Carlsile entered through the door with Esme.

"Hey kids." Carlsile said laying his stuff down.

Bella gasped and covered her mouth. I looked back at the screen and saw the same girl and another woman dressed in black walking down an aisle to a coffin filled with the same guy who went nuts.

She looked at Edward, "Hes not dead is he?"

He just simply nodded her head.

"Thats terrible!" she said almost as if she was going to cry.

Esme looked troubled, "Whats wrong?"

Bella didnt look away from the screen, "This music video is horrible! A guy dies."

Esme shook her head, "That is horrible. But, at least its not real."

"They want you to be sad." Carlisle said appearing with his hand on Esme's shoulder.

I looked down, "Its working."

Bella looked at me, "Oops, sorry."

I just nodded and sent a wave of joy to her.

Esme slapped her head with the palm of her head, "Oh dear!"

"Whats wrong?" Carlisle asked concerned.

"I forgot to get the mail...Jasper? Can you get it for me?" she asked.

I looked around, "Were is Emmett?"

"He went with Rosalie and Alice to the mall...poor fellow." Carlisle said with his eyes a hundred years away.

"Right." I said. I hopped up and went outside. It took me awhile in human pace so I just ran down, opened it up, took out the mail, and ran back inside.

Bella was startled, "Thats was fast."

"Really?" I asked sarcastically.

I layed it down and skimmed through for any bills of mine.

I looked down and saw stuff for Esme, and a couple of magazines.

But then, my hands stopped. I held up a post card looking thing with Uncle Sam on the front. He pointed a finger and said **I want YOU to join the army!**

I stared at it for a long moment to let it sink in.

"NOT AGAIN!" I screamed.

I heard a booming laughter and saw Emmett rolling around laughing.

I held it up, "Ha ha very funny." I said sarcastically.

"I didnt send that." he said.

I looked and saw it was real!

"EEEKKKK!!!!" I screamed like a little girl.

"Yeah I did," he said.

"Oh, okay."I calmed down.

"No I didnt!"

"AAHH!"

"Yeah I did."

"Thank god."

"No I didnt!"

"NNOOOO!!!!"

"Emmett shut up!" everyone shouted together.

"Jaspers joining the army...AGIAN!"


	3. McFlurry

Bella tossed and turned next to me clutching her torso.

"You okay?" I asked.

She looked at me with wired eyes, "Yeah...perfect." then she let out a moan.

I rolled my eyes, "One of those days huh?"

She nodded and groaned, "The worst part is the CRAVING!"

I looked at her for a long moment, "You want anything."

"Yeah, but I dont want you to spend your money on anything Alice." she said to me.

I rolled my eyes, "Oh Bella! Just tell me what you want." I demanded.

She shook her head.

I sighed, "Fine, Ill look into the future to see what you want!" I closed my eyes.

"Wait! Fine, okay! A butterfinger McFlurry from McDonalds." she said.

I scrunched up my face, "Thats in Port Angeles!"

Bella grabbed my shirt and dragged me down, "I dont care! Im craving! Your the one who offered!"

My eyes widened, "Were is Bella and what have you done with her?"

She let go but kept glaring, "Just go Alice before I loose it!"

I got up and grabbed my purse, "That bad?"

"YES!" she yelped in pain. Some things Im glad for, like being a vampire and not having to suffer through that.

I ran out and got into my car. I sped towards Port Angeles like a maniac. People beeped their horns at me and I told them to watch it. I saw two yellow arches that was a block away. I looked across the street and saw One Eyed Petes, some kind of bar. Pirates. I swirved into McDonalds and got out with my purse at my side.

People behind the counter were talking with one another and paid no attention to who walked in the door. I walked up to the counter and watched everyone having a soda war. I rolled my eyes and leaned againt the counter laying my purse down.

"Excuse me?" I said. They kept on going. Throwing boxes at such, letting the fries fry too much.

"Excuse me!" I said louder. A girl threw a frozen nugget at another girls head and missed, it hit me.

"EXCUSE ME!" I shouted. Everyone stopped and looked at me. The girl that had a sticker underneath her name was suppose to be the cashier. I raised an eyebrow, "Can I get any service?"

They girl straightened out her shirt, "Joanna! Joanna get the frys! Their turning brown!"

Joanna snapped back to reality and lifted up the frys in the deep grease. I made a face.

The girl turned back to me and tryed to focus on my face rather than my eyes, "How may I help you?"

"I need a butterfinger McFlurry." I ordered.

"What size?" she asked.

"Medium." I looked at the cup sizes and the medium looked pretty tall, Bella would be in heaven.

"What kind was it? M&M?" she asked.

"Butterfinger." I said.

"Right." she punched it in and told me the price. I threw a $15 at her and she gave me the change.

I waited tapping my fingers on the counter and whistling. The same girl who I told my order to went over to the milkshake machine and filled it up with strawberry flavor. She walked back to me with a smile.

"Here you go!" she said.

I stared at it, then her, "I said Butterfinger McFlurry."

She looked at the cup and laughed, "Oh! Sorry about that."

I nodded once and leaned against the wall again. She sat the Milkshake down and grabbed another cup. She went to the Milkshale machine again and put in vanilla. She walked back to me with a smile.

"Sorry about that, here you go."

I looked at it again, "Are you serious? I said a Butterfinger McFlurry." I said slowly.

"Oh! Sorry. Ill be right back." she sat down the vanilla next to the strawberry and grabbed a cone. She went to the icecream machine and swirled the vanilla ice cream to the top.

She came back and handed it to me, "Here it is! Vanilla ice cream."

"How can you not comprehend Butterfinger McFlurry?" I said.

She looked at the cone, "Oh! My bad."

"Yeah, your bad...at this job!" I said.

She walked back and sat it next to the two milkshakes.

She grabbed a cone and swirled the vanilla to the top, the dipped it in a chocolate sauce.

She came back, "One chocolate dipped cone!"

I wish Jasper was here to calm my nerves, "Lady! I said a McFlurry! What is so hard about that!"

"Oh! A McFlurry! Okay, Ill be right back!" she sat the cone down next to the other desserts.

I leaned my head against the wall and crossed my arms, maybe she go the order right this time.

She got out a cup and went to the McFlurry machine. She put in vanilla and then added M&M's.

She put on a top and came over to me, "Heres your McFlurry."

I had enough, I hit it out of her hand and watched it spill, "Butterfinger woman! A BUTTERFINGER!"

"Butterfinger!? Where?!" She peeped. I rolled my eyes.

"Look, I just need a simple Butterfinger McFlurry, okay?"

"Right! Ill be right out." she said and turned. She grabbed a cup, filled it up with vanilla ice cream, the reached for a topping. She put in Oreo's.

She smiled, slapped on a cup and came over to me, "Here you are."

"Here I go if you dont give me a dang Butterfinger McFlurry! Im gonna lose it!" I said.

She jerked back and walked back behind the counter. She went over to a sign that says **Warm Apple Pies**. She opened it up and what do you know, an apple pie.

She handed it to me, "Here."

I grabbed it and threw it back down, "Butterfinger McFlurry! Does this look like a McFlurry to you? Huh?"

"Oh! Did you say Butterfinger McFlurry?"

"Only ten times!" I said.

She nodded, "Oh, well Miss? Were out of that."


	4. WalMart

How could he be so cruel? How can one person do this to my lovely world? Just completely ruin it, rip it to shreds, and burn it to ashes. Emmett even had a better job! Sonic, that's what I think he told me he was working at. A simple food drive thru that he could resist. The food that is. But oh no, Carlisle had something way bigger for me! What's wrong with his mind? WHAT HAS HE DONE! He told me this would be a new rule from now on that we get jobs ever since I attacked that girl from McDonald's. But it wasn't my fault she wouldn't give me the right thing! What's so hard about Butterfinger McFlurry? I swear humans are clueless. So now, here I' am stuck in my personal hell…Wal-Mart.

"Ma'am? Um, excuse me ma'am?" a woman who had been poking me for the last twelve minutes said.

I glared at her, "What?" I barked. I wasn't in a good mood anymore now that I'm stuck here.

She flinched back from my sudden comment, " Sorry to bother you--"

"Then don't." I said in a low growl.

Then woman about peed her pants but was slowly backing away under my glare, "I'll uh…just find somebody else."

I smiled an unfriendly smile, "Good…have a nice day."

The woman walked away, then busted out speed walking. I turned around and kept piling green beans on the shelf when I was through. I looked at the empty box and huffed. Great. They just _had_ to put the garbage bins near the clothes section, which I almost got fired for after attacking the fake fur coats. Two reasons, A) it was fake and made me angry. Nobody should be walking around with that, and B) I didn't hunt this morning and I'm more cranky then ever. Way to go Carlisle, you did it again!

I picked up the box and walked slowly to the garbage bin. A lady that was also hired stopped me and frowned, "There has been some complaints about you, Alice."

I shook off her grip, "Well, I haven't done anything wrong so you must be hearing things." Like I have been seeing things. I swear if the manager thought _I_ was bad, she better not walk into that closet with cleaning supplies.

The lady shook her head, "Just be careful okay? We got a new manager and she wont be so happy if she hears about this, she might fire you."

_She might fire you_, her last words ran through my head. I must have been looking out in space with a cheesy grin. I have a plan! I marvelous brilliant plan! An evil plan! Mwhahahaha! Oh my god, what kind of Emmett mind do I have? Thinking…thinking…thinking…AN AWESOME ONE!

I looked back at the lady when she snapped her fingers in front of my face.

"Focus here Alice, the lady is on a firing spree today and you could be next."

YYYEEESSS!!! FREEDOM!

I frowned for her sake, "I'll be on my best behavior today, I'm actually in a good mood now." I gave her a kiss on the cheek and turned to walk away. I turned in an aisle she couldn't see me and threw the box down.

"Ha ha ha! I'm blocking peoples walking space! I'm littering!!!!" I said. I looked beside me and saw a customer starring at me, staring at the box with ravenous eyes. I looked like the wolf caught a pig…ha ha! Like Jacob and…okay so maybe I cant find a pig, but you know what I mean!

I smiled, "Hello miss, may I help you?" She was a huge lady with a skin tight purple shirt and orange sweat pants. She definitely needs help.

"Um…sure. What's the difference between these two?" she said holding up a black shirt and a white shirt.

I smiled, "The black one makes you look bigger than you already are and the white one makes you look like a marshmallow."

The woman's jaw dropped, "Excuse me?"

"I do believe I didn't stutter, and lady?" I said. She looked away from the shirts and then me with fuming eyes.

"What?" she asked.

"My tip for you? If you are going to buy a bathing suite, don't get a bikini okay? Your going to make either someone puke or get killed."

The ladies eyes widened, "Excuse me? What did you just say to me?"

"Well obviously your going to the beach for a family reunion with the whales because of all those sea food you have. Duh."

The ladies face turned red, "Excuse me," she looked at my name tag, "Alice?"

"Yes fatty?" I said.

"I don't think its right for you to be treating a customer this way."

"And I don't think its fair that every time you sit down on the sidewalk you suffocate a bug. it's a happy world that we agree!" I said.

The ladies mouth was in the shape of an O.

"Young lady--"

"I'm married." I said.

"That poor man, I'll keep him in my prayers."

I laughed, "Right, you can squeeze him in your prayers along with the other food you pray of waking up to! Put him next to hot dogs why don't you?"

She was purple, "Do you know who I' am?" she asked in a deep tone.

I smiled, "Why, who doesn't? You're the worlds biggest fat clump."

"Try again." she said through her gritted teeth.

"Well, if you have light bulbs you could make a perfect Christmas tree."

Her eyes narrowed, "I'm the preachers wife."

My jaw dropped, "You are?" I squeaked sounding shocked.

She crossed her arms and straightened up with a confident smile, "I' am."

"Well…in that case." I reached for my water bottle Fran gave me for no reason and unscrewed it. I flung water at the lady and she screamed.

"THE CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!" I said flinging the water in her face. She kept screaming and her clothes were soaked. By the time I was done she looked like someone poor a bucket of water on her.

"What are you doing!" she screamed.

"What?! I'm Jewish!" I said.

She looked at me with mascara running eyes, showing her snarling teeth.

"I can see it right now, you wont be successful in ANYTHING you do! You are a loser fest that cant do ANYTHING right! I hope you get fired and NEVER get a job! I hope you and you husband get a divorce and you will never have children either!" she grunted.

I shook my finger from the left to the right, "Now now, that's not very Christian like," I pointed up in the air, "He's watching you, you know."

The lady made a sound mixed between screaming and growling and stomped off. I smiled in accomplish and turned to the cosmetics aisle. I spotted my prey, a teenage girl who looked clueless about everything she saw.

I walked up smiling, "How may I help you?"

She looked at me and rolled her eyes, "I didn't ask you for your help." she snarled. She acted like I was some pile of trash walking up to her asking to be her mud mask.

My eyes narrowed, let the games begin.

"Well, obviously you do. I don't even think you know what your buying." I said trying to be nice.

The girl made a face at me, "I know exactly what I want, okay?"

I crossed my arms, "Sure you do, that's why you have liquid lipstick as your eye shadow now isn't it?"

The girls jaw dropped and she ran to the nearest mirror. She looked at her cheesy eye shadow and screeched.

I walked next to her, "Maybe I can help."

I love this part! Giving make overs! But sadly, I cant reveal my master piece since my evil plan doesn't consist of being kind.

She looked at me, "Are you any good?"

I sighed, "I just graduated beauty school." I lied.

"Pssh! Right, that's why you wound up in Wal-Mart." I cringed when she said the W word.

"Looks can be deceiving." was all I said, even though that didn't go with anything we just went over. But it seemed to stick with the girl.

"Your so right, anyway, I'm Holly." she said extending her arm. I just stared at it.

"Alice." I said. She dropped her hand and I dragged her to the cosmetics aisle again.

"Now normally we wouldn't do this…okay so we don't, but bare with me here. You need serious help." I said.

She frowned, "Excuse me?"

"Just shut up and stand still okay?" I barked.

She flinched, "Jeez okay!"

I turned around and grabbed a Covergirl Dream Matte Mouse and tore off the wrapping. It was ten shades darker then her skin tone.

"Now this will make you look like you have a natural tan okay?"

She nodded and I spread it on her faces heavily. A lady walking by stopped and looked at me wide eyed. I narrowed my eyes at her and she ran away.

I screwed the cap back on and dove for the powder, it was the lightest color I could find.

"Now this blends it to make it even more natural." I said.

I dabbed it in spots and never wiped it in. I even tried drawing a smiley face, but it turned out to be a blob.

I snapped it shut and found the eye shadows. Her eyes were a bright green so I got out black. It killed me to do this.

"This makes you eyes burst with color." I said.

She nodded and I added a heavy amount of eye shadow. From the base of the eye to the crease of her eye brow. I even covered her eye brow to make them look thick.

I put it back and got out the eyeliner, I chose gold metallic.

"Trust me, good choice to play up the eyes." I lied.

I traced her eye lid with the eye liner and put the cap back on and laid it down.

"Your looking lovely my dear, now we just need to add a few more things and your done!" I said.

The girl smiled with pleasure. I heard a bunch of guys behind her start laughing and she turned around and glared. She looked back at me.

"What are they laughing about?" she asked fluffing her hair.

"Oh nothing, there is this really ugly guy that just walked by so they decided to laugh at him." I waved my hand like it was a ancient history story that everyone knows, and that its not that big of a deal.

"Did he look that bad?" she asked.

I snickered, "Hideous." making it towards her.

She smiled, "At least I don't."

I smiled, "Not while I'm around." I lied.

She smiled, "What's next?" she asked.

I grabbed red mascara, "Mascara."

She looked up and I swiped them on her eye lashes 5 times, so gross!

"Perfect, now some lip gloss and blush and we're good to go." I said. I could see it now, the manager walking up to me and say 'Alice…your fired!' and I'd skip out to my car and drive away forever! YES!

I grabbed the electric orange lip gloss so fast Holly jumped.

"Sorry," I said, "Just when I have a good plan I get anxious."

She puckered up her lips and I covered them with the gloss. She smacked them together and I set the lip gloss on the floor.

Then I finally got the bright pink blush and cover it all over her face carelessly.

I threw it behind my shoulder and made the blush go everywhere.

"DONE!" I yelled.

She jumped back again but ran to the mirror we were just at.

And then, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she let out a ear piercing scream.

She charged to me and stabbed her finger in my chest, "I thought you said you graduated beauty school!"

I covered my mouth, "Did I say that?! I meant they kicked me out of it."

The girl about slapped me but instead threw blush at my face that was all over the floor.

"YOU ARE SO DEAD TO ME!" she screamed.

I laughed in my head, she figures that out now that I'm dead?

She stormed off, "IM GETTING THE MANAGER!" she called behind her shoulder.

I crossed my arms and smiled to myself, "I DARE YOU!" I said making her more determined.

I was waiting for awhile just sitting there when I had a vision.

It was Rosalie coming up with a grin on her face, "Alice, what a surprise." she will say.

The vision ended. I stood there breathless and panicked. Rosalie was the manager!? Oh no, that only means one thing is going to happen.

Rosalie was suddenly in front of me in a pressed suit that made her look professional, she was next to Holly.

Holly pointed a finger at me, "She did it!" she said sounding like she was tattle telling on her sister.

Rosalie's smile widened, "Alice, what a surprise."

"Your manager?" I squeaked in disbelief.

"Of course, Edward said I was fit for it." she said. My eyes narrowed, he is so dead…okay, he will be in so much trouble when I get home.

"So… are you going to fire me?" I asked.

"That's just the thing dear sister, Esme said that I had to make sure you don't get fired or quit this job…your staying." she added coldly.

"WHAT?! After all the stuff I did?!" I said.

Rosalie nodded, "Yes, that's exactly it. And you also get punished."

I bit my lower lip, "How?"

"You get to clean up this mess…and go to church."

NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!! WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO!?!?!?!

"Let me guess, for the lady I threw water on?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Oh come on! It was for fun!" I said.

"You insulted her now no more questions, your working here for one more year and that's final!"

I coughed, "I think I'm catching something. I feel…weak."

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Now Alice!" she barked and stormed off.

Holly walked to my side, "And don't forget to clean this up!" she knocked over some powders and stomped around in it so she could make tracks.

I looked at her with devilish eyes, "Hey…Holly is it?" I said through me teeth.

"What?" she asked.

I smiled, "Lean over here, I have to tell you a secret." I flashed my teeth.


	5. Alice's Teddy Bear

"EMMETT!" Alice yelled. She must be angry since she screamed to the highest pitch and we don't have to necessarily do that.

Emmett fell off the couch and landed with a thud, he was watching NFL, "What?" he called.

Alice was in his face by the time he got up. She held up her teddy bear in front of his face, it was shredded to pieces by the neck and stuffing was missing from its head. Someone was attempting to hunt it.

"How many times do I have to tell you? MY TEDDY BEAR ISNT REAL!" she fumed.

Emmett stared at the bear for a long time, then in her rage filled eyes, "It wasn't me this time."

She raised and eyebrow, "Sure, that's what you said _last_ time you attacked my Koala!" she barked.

"Honest Alice! I never touched that thing!" he said with sincere eyes.

"She narrowed her eyes till they were slits, "It has a name."

"Fine, I never touched Mr. Snuggle Buddy Wuddles Snicker Monkey The Third. Really!" he said defensively.

"Then who did?" she asked believing him now.

"Maybe it was Jasper." he said trying to watch TV.

Alice's jaw dropped, "He wouldn't dare!"

"Alice, who was the last person to eat your goldfish?" he challenged.

She glared at him, "You."

"Okay, never mind that. Who attacked you when you dressed up as a kitten on Halloween?"

She narrowed her eyes even more, "You."

"FINE! Who got a job at PetSmart but got fired two days later because he made the cats angry and attack his boss?!?!"

Alice gasped, "No way! Your lying!"

"Okay, so maybe I' am, but that would be TOTALLY AWESOME!" he smiled.

Alice rolled her eyes, "Just confess it was you." she said.

"I didn't do it Alice!" Emmett said.

She fumed out the ears, "If I find out it was you…YOUR DEAD MEAT!"

He gulped loudly, "Yes ma'am."

She turned around, "JASPER!"

There was a loud bang and then Jasper was in front of her rubbing his head, "Ouch, yes Alice?" he asked.

She held up her decapitated teddy bear in front of him, "Explain." she barked.

He flinched back but looked closely at what she was holding, "I bought that for you."

"Yes, you did. And now your hunting it! What kind of sick joke I this?!" she said.

Jaspers jaw dropped, "Your blaming _me_? It was _so_ Edward!"

Alice laughed and rolled her eyes, "Right, Edward did _this_." she said sarcastically while holding the teddy bear up higher.

"He so did! He might have been trying to read its mind." Jasper said.

"Reading and ripping are two different things doofus." Emmett said watching TV.

"No, seriously, he couldn't read his mind so he ripped it open to see why not." Jasper said.

Alice glared at him, "That is about the worst excuse I've EVER heard!"

Emmett laughed, "I've heard worse."

Jasper straightened up, "Like what?" he asked trying to get out of the topic they are discussing.

"I asked Rosalie to go out with me to see a movie, but she said she was tired and was fixing to take a nap." he said.

Jasper made a face, "Oh, burn."

Emmett narrowed his eyes, "Then I asked you and you said you _ate_ something that made you feel _sick_."

"Oh come on! It was kind of weird going to the movies together!" Jasper said.

"Oh please! I was only going with you because I was bored and everyone else went hunting. Its not like I was going to act fruity around you or anything." Emmett said.

"Emmett, when you went there, tell me what you did." Jasper challenged.

Emmett fiddled in his chair, "Uh…watched a movie?" he made it sound like a question.

"YOU WENT STREAKING!" Jasper said.

"So?!" Emmett crossed his arms, "Its totally normal."

"For you." Alice said.

"Only cool people do it." Emmett said sticking his tongue out at her.

"But do you get the point why I wouldn't go?" Jasper asked.

"But you didn't know I was going to do that!" Emmett said.

Alice coughed and made Emmett realized that she knew he was going to.

"You-"

"Okay, just drop it. I'm trying to find out who did this." she said holding up her bear.

She turned around with a huff, "EDWARD!"

The piano stopped playing and then he silently appeared with a irritated expression, "Yes?" he asked.

She held the bear up to his eye level, 'What did you do to my bear?"

He looked outraged, "Nothing! I haven't even seen that thing before."

Alice fumed, "Its not a thing! Its Mr. Snuggle Buddy Wuddles Snicker Monkey The Third!" she screamed.

Edward jerked back, "Mr. What? Never mind. I'm sorry, but I don't have the slightest clue why you think I did it."

"Because they said so." she said pointing behind her to Emmett and Jasper. They smiled and waved at him.

Edward looked back at Alice, "I don't know why they told you that, but I never did! Honestly Alice, why would I harm your bear?"

"I can think of a few reasons." she barked.

"Please share." he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I don't know! Maybe you didn't hunt for awhile or maybe you got curious or maybe you tried reading its mind…" she said while pacing back and forth.

He raised an eyebrow, "I wanted to read its mind so I ripped its head open?"

"Jasper suggested that idea." she said pointing to him.

Edward glared at Jasper, but Jasper waved a smiled.

"Well, I can assure you it wasn't me."

Alice sighed in defeat, "Well, we have to figure out who did this."

They all studied it for a long time.

Emmett puckered his lips, raised an eyebrow, and stroked his imaginary beard to look professional.

"I'm guessing…it was Mrs. White, with the rope, in the kitchen." Emmett said.

Alice slapped his arm, "Be serious here!"

"What's so great about a bear?" Edward asked.

Alice's eyes went wide with rage, "A bear? A bear?! Its not _just_ a bear!"

"it's a robot! I knew it!" Emmett said.

She slapped the back of his head, "No you idiot! I finally won a game that made him my prize. I was very competitive." she smiled.

Jasper frowned, "I bought that for you."

Alice looked down at it, "Oh, well um, yeah its special to me because Jasper bought it for me." she stalled.

Jasper had a huge grin on his face, poor Jasper, he didn't know she was covering up.

They all paced back and forth trying to solve the mystery.

"Oh I know! Pick me! Pick me!" Emmett said.

"Yes Emmett?" Alice asked in a bored tone.

"It was Carlisle!" he said with a huge smile.

Edward raised an eyebrow, "Why would Carlisle do this to her bear?" he grabbed the bear and held it up in front of his face.

"He was practicing brain surgery in its head! He had a new task at the hospital and didn't want to perform it on any of us so he used the bear! Emmett said with a high pitched tone. He looked like a dog getting a treat for the first time in years.

Alice raised both eyebrows, "Surprisingly, it makes sense."

She turned around again and both Jasper ands Emmett covered their ears while Edward stared at them curiously.

"CARLISLE!" Alice screamed. Edward found out why they covered their ears now.

He was suddenly in front of her with a emotionless expression, "Yes Alice?" he asked, sounded like he was studying before she so rudely interrupted.

"Why did you do this?" she asked shoving the bear under his nose.

He lowered the bear and looked at it, "What is it?" he asked.

She made a face, "Its…its my teddy bear. That you killed!"

"Teddy bear murderer!" Emmett screamed pointing to Carlisle.

Edward and Jasper rolled their eyes.

"Alice, why would I do this to your bear?" he asked.

"Because you were doing some kind of brain surgery." she said with a successful smile.

He grinned, "We don't do _brain surgery_ in Forks Alice." he said.

"He's telling the truth." Edward said obviously reading his mind.

She sighed and paced back and forth, "Then who did it?"

Everyone copied her for five minutes.

"Have you tried Esme?" Edward asked.

Carlisle looked at him, "It was not Esme!"

"Well, you never know. She was probably trying to fix it but never finished the job." Edward said.

A light bulb went off in Alice's head, "Brilliant!" she said.

Edward smiled with pleasure.

Everyone but Carlisle covered their ears when Alice turned around, "ESME!" she yelled.

Carlisle covered his ears too late and made a face.

Esme was on the couch in a split second, "Yes dear?" she asked smiling.

Alice lifted up the bear, "Why?"

"Why what?" Esme asked confused.

"Why did you do this to my snug gums?" she pointed to the bear.

Jasper frowned, "I thought _I_ was your snug gums?"

"Partially." she said still looking at Esme.

Emmett comes over and pats Jaspers back, "Its okay man, we all have these moments." he said soothingly.

Esme raised an eyebrow, "What did I do?"

"You killed it! You teddy bear murderer!" Emmett said jumping away from Jasper and pointing at Esme. He's really into this good cop bad cop thing don't you think?

Everyone rolled they're eyes.

"Alice? What are you trying to say?" she asked.

"Did you try to hunt my teddy bear?" she asked.

Esme's mouth went into the shape of an O, "Never! I've been planting all day long."

"You could have done this yesterday." Jasper suggested.

Carlisle gave him the death glare, "You saying she did this Jasper? Huh?"

Jasper's eyes widened, "No, of course not. Why would I?" he laughed without humor.

Carlisle grunted and turned his focus back on Esme.

Esme smiled, "I haven't touched your bear Alice."

Alice sighed and lowered the bear, then looked at Edward, "Is this true?"

Edward nodded. Alice huffed and threw herself on the couch and rubbed her temples like she had a head ache.

"Okay, so its not Emmett, its not Jasper or Edward, neither is it Carlisle or Esme." Alice said.

"Rose?" Jasper asked.

Everyone looked at him.

"Rosalie did it?" Alice asked.

He shrugged, "I don't know, but she's the last one."

Emmett made a face, "She wouldn't!"

"Maybe she could be getting out all of her rage on Alice's bear. Edward suggested.

"Why would she be mad?" Carlisle asked.

Edward shrugged, "Its Rosalie, maybe she had a bad hair day."

Alice shrugged and took a deep breath while everyone but Esme covered their ears.

"ROSALIE!" she screamed.

Rosalie was in front of everyone in no time, "No I'm not going shopping with you Alice and no Emmett I don't want to go to Victoria's Secret with you because you think Victoria will announce her secret so you can save Bella from her." she said examining her nails.

Emmett frowned, "I thought we had something special!"

Alice and everyone rolled their eyes.

"Did you do this?" she asked holding her bear up.

Rosalie made a face as if she just showed her Jasper's underwear, "Oh you got me" she said sarcastically.

"Oh come on! Be serious! No one else did this!" Alice said frustrated.

"Alice, it couldn't be me/ Or anyone in this room." she said filing her nails.

Alice raised an eyebrow, "Then who did?"

She shrugged, "A human of course. No vampire would be able to do any of this so terribly." she flicked the inflated teddy bears head.

Everyone looked at Edward and he raised his hands, "She didn't."

Suddenly there was a noise, as if someone was singing.

"My little dolly…DIE DOLLY DIE!" it said.

Everyone moved as a group upstairs slowly towards Alice's room.

"Your ugly…DIE UGLY DALL DIE!" I said again.

Everyone circled around the door and listened.

"Zebra's are gross…MUST SHRED ZEBRA!" there was a ripping noise.

Alice kicked the door open, literally, which made Esme nearly loose it, and spotted Bella sitting on the floor with stuffing around her.

She was holding her latest victim.

"Bella, put it down." Edward said calmly.

Bella was bouncing up and down with a cheesy smile…she was hyper.

"NEVER!" she said bouncing.

"Now Bella." Rosalie barked.

Bella stopped bouncing and gave her an evil sneer, "Rose…you will die in seven days."

Rosalie's eyes went wide. Bella threw dolls at her and raced out of the room and out the door tripping 5 times, into the city with many places to go and much chaos to be done.

"Well don't just stand there! Go get her!" Esme said. Everyone looked at her and then speed down the stairs and out the door.

"IM A LITTLE TEA CUP SHORT AND SPOUT!" Bella sang.

Bella + dolls + Monster energy drinks chaos.


	6. Sonic with Emmett

I sat there tapping the bulb, waiting for it to blink. Because Tara said once it blinks, only _then_ you could speak into it, not sing either, even though I thought I rocked the house when I sang "Girlfriend" in the 'Emmett version'. So amazing.

I huffed and readjusted my cap so it wasn't so tight around my head. Carlisle said that we all had to get jobs for our punishment since Alice attacked this girl at McDonalds, leave it to her to pitch a fit, or rather herself, at the girl. My assigned job was no other than Sonic…HOW BORING! The only thing they assigned me to was speaker…A FLIPPIN SPEAKER?!?! I said I could grill but noooooo…Edward just _had_ to tell them my coincidence with the microwave 4 years ago, not a grill, a microwave! So I didn't know you weren't suppose to stick aluminum in there and set it on high, but hey, you learn from your mistakes…well someone in this world did! Because have you tried it? Oh my god its so fun! Especially once you see Bella's reaction, ha! But Esme's reaction, well uh, not so pleasant.

Rachel came next to me, "Having fun?" she asked.

Then she did it, she _looked_ at my blinky thing. Not HER blinky thing, MY blinky thing. Wrong thing to do! Very wrong. Its MINE! MY BLINKY THING! My precious thing that keeps me company, and she looks at it…oh no, not in my town! She gonna feel the wrath, of Emmett McCartney Cullen!

I narrowed my eyes, "Watch it sister, you better not push my buttons."

She looked at me as if I just spoke gibberish, "Umm…excuse me?"

"Don't go all 'having fun' on me! And don't look at my blinky thing! Listen I know where you live okay?!" I said straightening up.

"What's your problem? And how do you know where I live?" she said.

I looked around for an excuse, "Uh…EBay."

She made a face, "Your sick man! I was just trying to help you!"

"Well yeah…you didn't, so go run off to someone else and 'help' them." I said.

"Whatever!" she said and stormed off.

I huffed and turned back to my blinky thing. Stare at my blinky thing, I'll show you!

Chris came up next to me. "What was all that for?" he asked.

I looked at him then Rachel, "She wanted to steal my blinky thing."

He looked at me like I've lost it, I get that a lot around here.

"Um, dude, its not your 'blinky thing'." he said.

I stood up and puffed my chest out, "Then what is it?"

The guy looked at my bulky body with wide eyes, "Uh…a blinky thing?"

I smiled, "That's right." I stood up on a counter.

There was a moan, "Aw he's at it again. Jennie, Emmett's going to dance on the counter again."

I narrowed my eyes at her, "Don't hate me cause you ain't me."

She sniffed and turned back around.

"And let this be a lesson to all of you, you look at my blinky thing, you will pay. So, no looky, okay? ALRIGHT!" I looked at everyone. They all stared at me like I was, well, crazy. How well I know that look too.

I stepped down and went back to my station.

There was a tap on my shoulder, I saw Don.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Boss said you can grill now." he told me.

My face must have turned paler, "What?"

"I said the boss said you can grill now, you're not doing this job very well."

My mouth dropped, "I'm doing very well at this job for his information."

"He said you have gotten the most complaints because you keep going 'yo mamma' to the customers."

I made a face, "But its hilarious!"

"Just go Emmett." he said.

I wrapped my arms around my blinky cashier looky thing and stared at him, "Its mine!"

"Emmett come on, let it go." he said.

"You cant separate my blinky thing! Its unhealthy." I said.

He really doesn't think I'm gonna give in just like that does he?

"Emmett, stop, just switch spots." he said.

"But I cant grill, I uh…blow up microwaves." I said smiling.

"Now Emmett." he said.

"Just give me one more chance okay, Ill be good this time! No more yo mamma's." I said.

He tapped his foot, "Fine, but if we catch you going yo mamma, your switching, and no questions asked." he said.

"Sure, sure, no problem." I said.

He stormed off like all the other visitors I've had and I let go of my blinky thing.

I rubbed it like a lamp, "We will stick together forever." I said.

Suddenly, the blinky thing, well, blinked.

I squealed and jumped around. A girl came over, "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Its blinking!!!!!" I said.

"Very funny Emmett, just do your job." she said and turned to walk away.

"Fine, I will, without you! You fun sucker! At least my wife is cool." I said.

"Like you have one!" said Fred.

Oh how I loathed Fred, he really didn't think I was married to Rosalie…I'll show them!

I pressed the button and smiled, "Welcome to McDonalds how may I help you?" I said.

There was a pause, "I thought this was Sonic?"

I read the note on my hand that told me where I worked, "Oh yeah, sorry about that. How may I help you?"

"I need a number one combo with fries and a coke to drink." said a lady, she sounded familiar.

"Okay, a number 17 with onion rings and a slushy to go with that, anything else?" I asked trying not to laugh.

"Umm, I said number one combo with fries and a coke." she said.

"What's a combo?" I asked her.

"Uh, the whole meal thing." she said.

"You know what lady, I'm tired of working here and pressing all of these buttons, you mind doing it for me?" I asked.

There was a pause, "Your joking right? Am I being Punk'd?"

I laughed in the microphone really loud.

"Your funny, you must be stupid." I said.

"Yo mamma!" she said.

I stared at the speaker for a long time, did she do what I think she just did? She wants a challenge now does she? Well, Don said I couldn't do yo mamma…but he never said I couldn't do yo daddy!

"Oh yeah? Well you daddy!" I said.

Ally looked at me and rolled her eyes.

"Yo grandma!" she said.

"Yo grandpa!" I said.

"BURN!" yelled Josh from next to me.

"Yo sister." she said.

"Yo brother." I said.

"Yo dog."

"Yo husband."

"Yo wife."

I made a face, "My wife is very nice to me thank you, PLUS SHE'S HOT!"

There was a silence, "Your seriously married?"

"Yeah, and your seriously annoying." I said.

"How old are you?" she asked.

"Old enough." I said.

"Young man, you have no right to speak to me this way. I have kids here."

"Oh really? How many?" I asked.

"They're not mine, I'm babysitting them. And one of them wants their food!" she said.

"So its not yours?" I asked randomly.

"No, it's the kids, now please give her the freaking food!"

"Ma'am, how old are you?" I asked.

"I have 5 kids." she said.

I made a face, "DANG YOUR OLD!"

"They're adopted." she said.

I pursed my lips, "I' am too. So how old are you?"

"26." she answered.

"Your young!" I said.

"Yes, and I'm married and have all 5 teenagers." she said.

"Bet they're not as cool as my family!" I said. Oh yeah, mine have golden eyes, WHAT NOW?!

"Bet they are." she said.

Suddenly I just realized something, the voice was familiar, because it belonged to my mom. It was Esme.

"Uh…why would you say that?" I said.

"Emmett." she growled.

"Uh…this is Lori." I said in a girly voice.

"Emmett?" she growled even more.

"Who's Emmett?" I asked again in my girly voice.

"EMMETT!" she barked.

Everyone looked at my station with curious eyes.

I laughed nervously, "Yes mommy?"

"Give me the food." she ordered.

I laughed nervously, "Sure sure, a number one combo with fries and a coke coming right up."

"Oh and Emmett?" she said.

"Yes? But before you say anything know that I love you more than anything in the world…okay maybe you're the second, but you gotta love your wives!" I said.

"We're gonna have a talk when we get home."

My.Life.Is.Over!


	7. Jasper the Lifeguard

My wife, my wonderful, brain dead wife that I care for so much, just _had_ to use violence on that innocent McDonald girl. Oh why? But I guess that would explain why I'm stuck in this inside pool with a bunch of teenage girls and guys in bathing suits staring at me and my whiteness. And yes, I said guys. I was wearing my red swimming trunks with a whistle and sunglasses, even though it was inside. I was shirtless and everyone noticed. It wasn't a terrible job for me since the chemicals were strong and heavy so I couldn't smell the people's blood. But once someone fell and skinned there knee, I was out of there. I stood at the edge of the pool to supervise people falling out of the water slide. So far, so good. The girls were on that thing so much, it wasn't even funny. I counted up 6 people asking for my number and 7 who asked me on a date. But I told them all I was married, you should have felt their feelings. Today was my official and horrible work day, it was thirteen and up day come for free. I had to serve them smoothies from a coconut and pass out hot dogs. What a wonderful day.

"First day?" asked Audrey.

I sighed, "Hopefully last."

"Its not so bad after words. You get the money at least." she said.

"$15? Oh yeah, I' m rich." I said rolling my eyes.

Suddenly, another life guard came up with a inter tube hanging around him, a scuba mask with goggles and flippers, and floaters.

I sighed, "Max, for the last time, your not a fish."

He pulled the air thingy out of his mouth, "I can if I want to, that's what mommy always said." he turned away from me, "Hello Audrey my dearest. You look lovely today, you know, red is your color." he said taking her hand in his.

She made a face and shook his hand off, "Away with you fish boy."

"Our love is strong." he said dramatically.

"Let me introduce my foot to your butt." she said wiggling her foot.

"You cant breath underwater." I snapped .

Max turned to me, "Oh yeah? Watch me." he said.

He plopped in the deep end of the pool and stuck his air thingy in the air. We heard him breathing heavily out of it. I rolled my eyes.

He came up with a cheesy smile, "Oh! How do you like them apples?"

"Without the air tube." I said.

He made a face, "But then I cant breath underwater."

"My point exactly." I said.

He got out of the water, "Wait! Wait, I can do it." He threw the air tube down.

"Your going to kill yourself." Audrey said.

"Not if you come in there, wrap your arms around me, and pull me out, then possibly do CPR." he said batting his lashes.

She twitched, "Goodbye Max, I knew you well."

I laughed next to her.

"I'll pay you $20 to go in there and breath underwater." I said.

He huffed, "I don't need your silly $20." he said and stomped off. But then he stopped in his tracks and stomped backwards to us, "On second thought, $20 isn't so bad."

I smiled, "Deal." we shook hands.

He ran in the deep end and landed in the pool with a splash.

We stared at him till he came back up.

He spat out water at me, "There, and that's proof I breathed under water."

"You just sucked in water! That's different." I said.

"Whatever," then he looked at Audrey, "Hey babe, you wanna join me? The waters fine. Or should I say…fin?"

She crossed her arms, "Oh dear, I think I hear a child screaming for help, better go." she said sarcastically.

"I love you too!" he called.

He then looked at me, "She's crazy about me."

I rolled my eyes and left him there. Suddenly he screamed like a little girl.

I turned around, "What?"

"Something just touched me!" he squeaked.

I turned around and went back to my station. Its was vacant finally. I smiled…till suddenly everyone jumped out of the pools and went back to the slide once they spotted me returning to my station. I sighed, I bet if Max worked here they wouldn't care.

I sat down on my foldable chair and watched everyone twist and turn down the slide.

I saw a black headed girl whisper something to a blonde girl. The blond ran down the stairs while the black headed girl stood their and waited in line for her turn. My eyebrows furrowed.

A small 5 year old went down the slide alone and I jumped in the water and waited for her to pop out of the slide. Once she reached the bottom I held on to her and dragged her to the shallow end.

"Here you go." I said. She smiled and went to join her friends.

I sighed but then heard a scream. I turned around immediately.

"Someone get her!" screeched a girl in line.

I ran over to the end of the slide and saw someone's back facing towards the ceiling.

I grabbed her and dragged her to a safe surface.

I flipped her over and pressed on her chest. I noticed that this girl was the Black headed girl.

"Come on, breath!" I said.

"CPR!" someone shouted.

I pressed my lips to hers and blew in her mouth. But then her arms wrapped around my neck and held me there. I saw a flash and turned to see someone take a picture of us. It was the blond headed girl.

"What the?" I said.

The black headed girl got up and walked over to the blonde headed girl with a smile, "Did you get it?" she asked.

The girl nodded, "Oh yeah."

"Wait till everyone sees this!" she said.

"You look like your kissing him." the blond said.

"No, _he_ looks like he's kissing _me_." she said.

I sat there for a few moments and watched as every parent looked at me with mad eyes.

I laughed nervously and got up. So not good.

Audrey came next to me, "What just happened?" she asked.

"I think…I've been framed." I said.

Suddenly my phone rang. I ran over and saw who was calling…Alice?

I flipped it open and pressed the SEND button.

"Hello?" I asked.

"I saw it." she said.

My face turned paler, "Saw what?"

"Don't play dumb, you just kissed a girl didn't you?" she said.

"Its not what you think." I said.

She laughed without humor, "You are so dead when we get home."

And then she hung up.

I flipped my phone down and heard a squeal. Me and Audrey ran over and saw Max splashing around, "Someone save me, cough cough Audrey! I'm drowning! Maybe you should use CPR!" he puckered up his lips.

Audrey rolled her eyes and looked at me, "Who called?" she asked.

I looked at Audrey with wide eyes, "My wife…I think I'm going to work overtime today."


	8. For people who finished Eclipse

Authors Note:

Okey Dokey. As you should all know, Eclipse came out just yesterday, August 7th. For you people like me that read it fast and don't care if its 12 hours past your bed time because, hello? Its Eclipse! Then we are on the same page. I have an announcement towards my feelings of this book. I do feel like the characters have changed a bit, but of course that is how it should go. They get older and a bit more mature. But I didn't expect the relationship of Jacob and Bella. I wont say much because some people haven't finished or started Eclipse so I wont ruin it for you. But anyone that has, please contact me from my email or myspace. My site is on my home page and I would gladly appreciate talking 2 you. Send a friend request but message me first that you're a member of Fanfiction, okay?

Thank you very much,

Klutzzy55


	9. Feeling were Hurt

**A/N: um yea, anywho.**

**I gots a review telling me how they were upset about me not letting them get to read the next chapter becuz of the other book.**

**So 4 everyone that feels the same way, terribly sorry.**

**Tomorrow or whenever I have free time [and no skewl I will try to make it up 2 u and make the new chapter.**

**Again, terribly sorry.**

**Im not rude**

**I didn't want to make anyone mad.**

**Thanks**

**Klutzzy55**


	10. Edward and his amazing job

**A/N: Okay I give! I'll let you read the next chapter.**

**And now presenting….Edward Cullen!!!!**

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**/ YESTERDAY/ THE DAY ALICE JUMPED THE GIRL/THE DAY WHEN EMMETT NOTICED THAT ROSALIE'S HAIR WAS BLONDE/ THE DAY ROSALIE THREW A LAMP AT HIS HEAD/ THE DAY JASPER MASTERED THE CHICKEN DANCE/ THE DAY ALICE NEARLY PUT A RESTRAINING ON HIM**

I stared at Mike as he paced back and forth thinking about Bella. Naturally.

His thoughts were furious from me winning, but I kept asking myself…when were we in a competition? He thinks it's a game? Oh, its on!

I pushed off of my Volvo and walked over to Mike while slyly slipping on some aviator sunglasses. I know what your thinking, there's sun out because I'm putting them on, and there fore I shouldn't be out here in the first place. RUN EDWARD RUN! But no, actually it's a grey gloomy and dreary day, no sun. I just like to put on sunglasses because I'm the type that wear sunglasses at night.

He was pacing back and forth like he was busy bee. His hands were behind his back and his head was low.

I slung a leather jacket over my shoulder and stuck a thumb in my pocket. Oh yeah, no competition.

Mike didn't noticed I was standing in front of him till he tripped over a rock and looked up from his trance.

I laughed threw my nose.

Mike suddenly straightened up and crossed his arms tightly over his chest to the point were he was flexing, "Cullen." he sneered.

I smiled a dazzling smile, "Newton dear friend, how is your day?"

Mike raised an eyebrow and his jaw opened slightly. I zoomed into his thoughts.

_Wait, is he speaking to me? Oh my god! Edward Cullen just talked to me! ME! Oh my god! This is the best day of my LIFE! Wait wait, I have to be cool. Be cool man._

Mike straightened up again since he slouched over a bit and kept his eyebrows furrowed.

"What's gotten into you? And why aren't you busy pestering Bella?" He said raising an eyebrow.

**Because its your job you moron**, "We are on a break." I lied.

Mike straightened up some more, like he couldn't BE anymore straighter!

"You and Bella? Like, a relationship break?" he said.

**Naw! Like a Kit Kat break! **I sighed, "I'm afraid so. I hear she has the hots for someone other than me. I heard it was you." I said looking at him intentionally.

Mike laughed, "Your joking!"

I swung my foot around to show the gesture of stalling, "I wish. But I don't know, she's been like, looking at you a lot. And every time I'm with her its Mike this and Mike that." I said looking from side to side as I said his name.

Wow, I must be a good liar if he believed THAT! The only reason she would be talking about him is if she was trying to get away from him. And she never looks at him…but me, that's another story.

Mike had the hugest grin on his face, "Get outta here!"

"I don't really think you would want me to right now. I was…going to give you some tips on how to win her heart." I lied threw my razor sharp teeth coated with venom.

Mike looked like he was shocked. I zoomed in his thoughts.

_No way! This cant be happening. He's giving up just like that! I wonder…if me and Bella don't work out…maybe Rosalie and I?_

My eyes widened and I tried to focus on something other than that.

Mike unfolded his arms and shoved them in his pockets, "Well then, what do you say?"

I lowered my sunglasses and looked him in the eye, "You ready?" I said in a deep voice.

Mike looked like he was going to pee in his pants with joy, "Uh huh!"

I took off my glasses and placed them on top if my head.

I looked him straight into the eye and he leaned in closer, "I heard she has a thing for Elvis."

Mike's eyebrows furrowed, "Wait? And this tells me what?"

I leaned back and looked up in the sky, "Simple," then back down at him, "You dress up as Elvis, and win her heart. She's a sucker for those kind of guys." I said angling towards my Volvo.

Mike smiled so hard it looked like it was gonna be permanent, "Perfect! And I know a great costume place."

I laughed mentally, then took off towards the car.

Just then, "Wait!" he called.

I turned around halfway to look at him.

"What did you do to get her heart?" he asked.

I studied his eye sight for a moment, and thought REAL hard. I would have said Count Dracula, but is he a real player?

"I was Michael Jackson…of course." I said a slide my sunglasses back on, then strutted towards my Volvo with a John Travolta walk. Trust me, I could do that walk. While Emmett walks it out, I found my own style.

I got in my car and drove off. In the mirror I saw him practice a Elvis move were he rolled his leg.

I laughed.

This would be interesting to see.

Wherever he does it at.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**THE DAY EDWARD FOUND OUT HE WAS GOING TO HAVE A JOB**

Murder would be to kind, strangling would be to simple. What should I do?

"Knock it off Edward!" Jasper said.

I pointed at Alice, "Your wife is going down!" I said pointing down towards the floor.

"AAAGGGGHHHH!!!!" Emmett screamed.

Everyone stopped covering they're ears and looked at him with confused and angered eyes.

"What is it?" Esme asked.

"EDWARD HAS BRONZE HAIR!" he screamed.

"Naw dip Sherlock!" Rosalie said.

"Its scary, nobody but mental people have that hair color!" Emmett said hugging a pillow.

"That's not true, because if it was then you'd have bronze hair!" I said pointing to my hair.

He threw the pillow at me while yelling, "POWER RANGER GO!"

I dodged the pillow but stared at him with wide and scared eyes.

"Awe not again! Emmett I'm sorry! But your not a power ranger!" Esme said.

"WHY?! EVERYONE HAS THE COOL JOBS EXEPT FOR ME!" he screamed.

Esme uncovered her ears, "You have a nice job."

"Pssh! Right, and my name is Emmett." he said rolling his eyes.

"Your name IS Emmett." Rosalie said.

"And I'm the queen of England!" Carlisle said walking down in Esme's old dresses with a plastic crown.

Everyone stared at him in horror.

"My eyes! They're blind!" Jasper screams.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**EDWARD AT WORK**

I LOVE ALICE CULLEN!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank god she jumped that McDonald girl!

My punishment you ask? To work at the Newton's Outdoor job thingy.

Oh the joy! And the better part, Bella's working today!!!!

I slid on my green vest and tapped the counter top swiftly.

Bella doesn't know, but for some reason it spreaded across the whole school. Not that Mrs. Newton is complaining, the stores is getting richer as we speak.

"I WANT THESE!" Jessica said throwing a pair of $100 dollar binoculars at me.

I looked at her, "Haven't you just been here?"

Its true, this is her fourth time here. I peered out the window and saw her truck filled with our stuck threw the roof! LITERALLY!

She laughed a high pitched laughter and bounced as if she just drank five monsters. Her eyes were wide, "SILLY EDWARD! DID I NOT JUST TELL YOU? MY NEW FAVORITE STORE IS THIS PLACE!" she said pointing here.

I uncovered my ears, "Calm down!" were is Jasper when you need him?

She grabbed my collar and pulled me close, "Do you understand how many people will be here today? HUH?! Do you know how long it will take me to stand in this line just to buy all of this stuff!? Outdoors are just so important to me these days! I cant live without all of these great supplies! IM NOT LEAVING TILL I BUY EVERYTHING IN THIS STORE!" she said in a low voice till she screamed.

I pried her fingers off of me, "Okay then."

She breathed so fast she was wheezing.

I tallied up her stuff on the register, "$100."  
She threw her wallet at me, literally.

I undid some buttons till I found her money. She only had $50.

I looked up at her, "you know there is only $50 right?"

"I don't care! I'll spend all of my college money if I have to!" she said slamming her palms on the counter.

I looked at her with wide eyes, "That wont be necessary."

"I HAVE TO BUY THESE!" she screamed.

I ducked behind the counter like I was getting something thrown a me…again.

"WERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING?!" she said once she saw me crawl away.

I stood up with a cheesy smile, "Uh, no where. Just uh, going to see if they were on sale!" I said.

"DARN RIGHT YOU ARE!" she said and pushed me towards the aisle.

She shoved my face into the glass that protected the binoculars. I screeched.

"WHAT DOES IT SAY?!" she said.  
I pushed away without effort, "Lucky day! It's half off!" I lied.

She looked at me like I spoke Spanish, "Half of a hundred is fifty right?"

I kept my smile on even thought it was slipping to a look, "Yes! So you can have them!"

She threw the money at me and took the binoculars. She ran out to her car and stuck them in the trunk.

She was fixing to run back in till I locked the doors and shut the blinds.

I heard a bang on the door, "EDWARD! EDWARD IM NOT DONE YET!"

I could have called the police, but then Mrs. Newton walked in from the back door, note to self, lock back door, "Oh! Good morning Edward." she said smiling at me.

Then she looked at the door were Jessica was banging on, "Is that Miss Stanley?"

"I NEED MORE! MORE I TELL YOU! MOOOOORE!" Jessica screamed.

I sighed, "Afraid so."

She covered her heart with her hand, "Dear lord, she's possessed."

I chuckled, "Just a fan…a quite huge one."

Mrs. Newton nodded, "I see that. Is Bella not here?"

I perked up when she said her name, "Not yet, when is she suppose to be here?"

She shrugged, "Soon, till then we need Jessica to get away."

I smiled, "And when is Mike going to be here?" I said oblivious to what she said.

"He went to run an errand. Not sure what it was, but he was in a rush." she said sliding her purse underneath the cabinet.

"WONDERFUL!" I said rubbing my hands together.

She gave me an odd look and I just smiled, "Oh, I um…just haven't seen him in so long. Need to catch up with the past and all."

She relaxed her face, but had cautious eyes, "Alright then."

"OOH EDWARD! GUESS WHO IT IS!? ILL GIVE YOU A HINT…JESSICA!" she shouted behind the door.

Bella suddenly walked in with her purse over her shoulder, "Is that Jessica?" she asked with her eyebrows furrowed.

"Yes it is…she very fond of-" Mrs. Newton was saying.

"BELLA!" I said and scooped her up into my arms. I gave her a soft kiss till she became dizzy. I set her down and felt a wack on the back of my head.

I turned around and saw Mrs. Newton tapping her toe, "Mr. Cullen, I see you have disobeyed a rule here. I will be writing this up." she said.

I raised an eyebrow, "What did I do."

Bella was smiling and walking funny on her way towards the counter with her vest.

"PDA, we do NOT except such an act in this store." she said.

She pulled out a book and marked it down. Great.

I watched Bella and made sure she didn't trip or anything. She seemed fine. When Mrs. Newton was out of hearing range I walked over to Bella.

She looked at me with a smile, then she turned mad, "What are you doing here?" she asked madly.

I frowned, "I work here now, is there a problem?"

"yes there's a problem! My boyfriend works with me now!" she said pointing to me.

My eyes tightened, "You make that sound bad."

"It is! Now I cant focus." she said blushing.

I smiled, "Don't worry, I'll be sure to not be a distraction." I said and glided off.

I felt her eyes on my back.

"EDWARD! BELLA! NEWTON LADY! CUSTOMER SHUT OUTSIDE OF DOOR! WANTING ASSISTANCE!" Jessica shouted.

I looked at the door with pained eyes.

Mrs. Newton sighed, "Mike will take care of it."

And boy did he.

Suddenly the back door swung open and out popped a guy in a shiny white suite, with it unbuttoned to reveal his chest. A black wig with side burns, thick sunglasses, white shoes, and a cape connected to the jacket.

"Hey momma." he said to Mrs. Newton.

"What the--" she started to say.

But then, "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog

cryin' all the time.

You ain't nothin' but a hound dog

cryin' all the time.

Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit

and you ain't no friend of mine.

When they said you was high classed,

well, that was just a lie.

When they said you was high classed,

well, that was just a lie.

You ain't never caught a rabbit

and you ain't no friend of mine.

She looked at him like he was a terrorist.

"Thank you, thank you very much." he said.

There was a sound of silence till, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Jessica went.

I doubled over and fell down on my knees nearly crying. Though I couldn't.  
Bella looked at me with horror filled eyes, like she thought Mike just went mental.

"MIKE NEWTON!" Mrs. Newton screamed.

"Whoooa Nelly! Watch the cape!" he said once she grabbed it.

"You can forget the cape! And the suite! YOUR MOPPING THE FLOORS WITH IT!" she said.

Suddenly he looked outraged, "NEVER!"

He said screaming then ran out of the doors, bad idea.

Just then Jessica popped in, "OH EDWARD!"


	11. Emmett's Enemy

"I'm a little tea cup short and spout…here is my candle here is my…my…my…what was it Alice?" Emmett said.

"You haven't even gotten the first part right you dim wit." she said reading a magazine.

"Nobody asked for your opinion!" he said.

She rolled her eyes.

He cleared his throat, "And a one, and a two, and a three…he's the reason for the tears drops on my chocolate bar--" Rosalie threw a book at his head.

"WATCH IT!" he yelled, then looked at the book she threw.

He smiled, "Victoria's Secret," he looked at her, "you shouldn't have!"

She snatched it up, "No leopard striped thongs for you!"

He made pouting face, "But they feel like silk."

Carlisle raised an eyebrow, "And you know this how?"

He smiled, "Easily I--" another book was thrown at his head.

"Please! For heaven's sake don't answer that!" Jasper yelled.

Emmett threw the pillow back at him. Then Jasper threw it at him. Emmett made a face and threw it back. Then Jasper stood up and threw it harder at Emmett.

"BOYS!" Esme shouted.

"He started it!" Emmett said pointing to Jasper.

"In your rooms! Now!" Esme said.

"But…but…but…" Jasper said.

"No but's! In your rooms!" she said pointing upstairs.

"Yes ma'am." they both grumbled.

Emmett slowly walked upstairs, dragging his feet.

"NOW!" she barked.

He ran upstairs and into his room. He shut and locked the door.

He ran on the bed and threw a pillow in his face, "ESME SALES GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!"

He stayed there for a moment, till he rolled over and looked out the glass window.

He sighed and got off of his bed then walked around. He heard squealing from the room next to him…Jasper's room.

He tried not to laugh, but it was hard to resist.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Jasper yelled.

Then there was a thud.

Emmett laughed and fell down on the floor.

He was rolling around with laughter so much…he didn't notice…the kung fu fly.

It sat on his dresser watching him with cautious eyes, watching him roll this way and that. He studied his movement…fearless.

He stretched out his wings, and cracked his neck this way and that.

Then…he went.

Emmett got up from laughing and suddenly felt a peck on the back of his neck.

"Ow!" he said and turned around while grabbing the back of his neck.

He saw nothing, nothing but the air.

"That's strange." he said.

Then he felt it again, only on his cheek.

"Son of a fudge cracker!" he said a rubbed his cheek.

He walked to the mirror and looked at his face. There was a red spot from were he was it hit. He furrowed his eyebrows but didn't know what he was feeling. And how it caused a mark on his face. His stone hard face.

Then, the fly was visible in the mirror. Emmett looked away from his face and at the fly.

He made a face, "Stupid fly." he said.

He rolled up a magazine and was fixing to hit it when all of a sudden, "WHA YA!" he heard.

His nose, ear, and under his eye was throbbing.

"What the crap?!" he said feeling his eyes. He looked again, more splotches.

"Aye cricket…over here!" called a Chinese voice.

Emmett looked around for the voice, but couldn't see were it was coming from.

He looked up, "Grandma?"

"No you idiot! In front of you!" it called.

Emmett looked in front of his face…and there…was the kung fu fly.[ Enter dramatic effect here

He raised an eyebrow, "Okay, now I'm hearing things."

"No, you hear perfectly cricket." said the fly.

Emmett's jaw dropped, "Did you…you…just…talk?"

"What? You no hear a fly talk?" he said.

"Ummm….once, but I was daydreaming." he said.

Suddenly his cheeks were hit three times, "OW!"

"You ugly one you are." said the kung fu fly.

"I'm what?!" Emmett said outraged.

"U.G.L.Y. you ain't got no alibi you ugly! What, what you ugly!" sang the fly.

Emmett snapped his fingers in a Z formation, "I'm…to sexy for my shirt…to sexy for my shirt so sexy it hurts…."

"I'm bringing sexy back…yup…you other fly's dunno how to act." the fly sang.

"What the heck?!" Emmett said.

"Oh! What now?!" said the kung fu fly.

Then suddenly Emmett felt another sting on his cheek.

"Ouch! What did you just do?!" he asked.

"I just pimped slapped you fool!" said the fly.

Emmett shoved his sleeves up his arms, "Oh! You want a fight now do you?!"

The kung fu fly swiftly snapped his fingers, "Boy, I'll serve you up like a thanksgiving dinner!"

"Bring it!" Emmett goes.

"Everybody wants kung fu fighting!" the fly sang.

"Cant touch this! Dun nun nun nun, dun nun, dun nun!" Emmett goes.

"I like big butts and I can not lie! You other fly's cant deny." the fly said.

Emmett blinked, "Dude, that did not match at all."

"Really? Well, it was catchy." he said.

Then Emmett swatted at the fly. The fly dodged it and swooped for his face. Direct hit.

"God!" he yelled and jumped back.

"Ha ha! You steroid one you are!" said the fly.

"You make no sense!" Emmett said, "Now watch, as I do the tornado of doom!" he spun around swinging his arms everywhere.

Then, his hand hit the fly, sending it off and in the air.

Emmett pointed, "Ha ha! I call that the pop lock and drop it!"

The fly swooped back and hit his toe. Emmett grabbed his toe while bouncing on his leg when the fly hit his nose. Emmett grabbed his nose, still hopping, when the fly "Tripped" him.

Emmett fell with a thud.

The fly pointed and laughed, "I call that the chain hanging low."

Emmett flipped up and on his feet. He held up his fist and jumped back and forth like a boxer.

The fly copied, "Bring it sucka!"

"At least my lip gloss is poppin!" Emmett said a swung…and missed.

The fly's jaw dropped, "Big girls don't cry!" he swung, and hit the air.

Emmett laughed, "Okay, Fergie."

The fly stopped jumping and looked at him, "Hey! At least I'm glamorous!" he said and flipped his invisible hair back.

Emmett swung again and hit him.

The fly flew into the wall, there was a tiny thud.

Emmett threw his hands in the air, "YAY!"

The fly wiped his bloody mouth and flew back to Emmett, the opponent.

"Do you never give up?" Emmett asked.

"Nope, I walk it out!" he said.

He swung five times and hit Emmett four, in the abs, legs, nose, and eyes.

Emmett grabbed his eye and stumbled back.

"Ha ha! You lose fatty!" he said.

Emmett growled, "No. One. Calls. Me. Fat!"

Emmett lifted a leg up and raised both of his hands, like a chicken kung fu thingy.

The fly chopped the air, "WATCHCOW!"

"BEEEYAAAA!!!!"

"PERKAN CHICKEN WINGS!"

Emmett stopped and looked at the Fly, "What the crap did you just say?"

"THIS MEANS WAR!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**4 hours later**

Emmett stood on one side of the room with a bicycle helmet that had sticks and leaves in it, camouflage jumpsuit, with a hut made out of the sheets from his bed. He squinted his eyes at the fly, under them was two black marks like a football player.

The fly lifted up his hut, Rosalie's bra, and pointed from his eye, to Emmett's.

"You think your all super fly don't cha? But guess what? My milkshakes brings all the boys to the yard!" Emmett said throwing a stick at him…don't ask.

The fly dodged the stick, "Your just jealous because you wish your girlfriend was hot like me."

Emmett made a gagging noise, "A fly? For a girlfriend? Gross!"

"Whatever! You know this be sexy." he said pointing to himself.

Emmett pulled out his secret weapon, water gun, and squirted the fly, "Ha ha! Take that you butt muncher!" he said.

The fly tried to catch his breath. After Emmett was through, he stared at him, "You looser you are." he said.

"Call me when your sober hunty!" Emmett said acting…prissy.

"Aye bay bay!" he said charging from his hut.

Emmett noticed and lifted up his grenade, an M&M, and threw multiples of them at the fly.

The fly dodged some, till one hit him. He was landing head first into the floor, like a falling air plane.

The suddenly, the door handle jiggled, "Emmett? Emmett what the heck is going on?" Alice said.

Emmett looked away from his victory and at the door, "Alice?!"

The fly swooped up and charged towards Emmett.

"Emmett in the world are you doing in there?" Edward called.

"I ugh…OW!" he said once the fly stabbed him.

The fly pointed and laughed, "You silly vampire, no good reflexes!"

"Why I outta!" Emmett went.

"Emmett! Tell me what's going on or I'm forcing this door down!" Alice said.

The fly stopped hitting Emmett and looked at the door, then back, "You have others?"

Emmett's breath came out unevenly, "Of course not…that's um…my talking dog," he looked at the door, "Shoe puppies! No treats for you!"

There was a silence, "Say goodbye to your door!" Alice said.

"NO!" Emmett screamed.

Then, _CRASH!_ Alice threw Edward into the door.

Edward rubbed his head and got up. He glared at Alice, "You call that softly?! What the heck is wrong with you!?"

The fly looked at Edward and Alice, then a smile came across his face, "Oh joy!"


	12. BATHROOM!

**Bella POV**

"MOVE!" I shouted as I pushed someone into the locker. They're books flew out of they're hands and they're homework was everywhere.

Woops.

I charged down the hall way without noticing all the stares I got. Everyone backed into walls to let me threw. I felt like a football player at practice.

I was at top speed when all of a sudden the principal pops out, "Miss Swan, and were are you in such a hurry?" he asked crossing his arms.

I was planning to push him out of the way, when I came to a conclusion that he wasn't the best person to shove right now. I bounced up and down, "Ugh…the restroom?" I answered.

"You seem unsure." he said cocking his head to the side.

Oh god! It's not that I wasn't unsure, I was just not focused on his words and more focused on reaching the bathroom!

I still jumped up and down, "Oh I'm sure. Can I go please?!" I begged. I know, how unlike me.

But if you drank as many waters as me, you'd be doing some smack down to reach the restroom.

He raised an eyebrow, "Not till you do something for me."

I grumbled. He gave me a look and I just smiled.

"I need you to run these to Mrs. Harper pronto.' he said handing me a slip of paper.

My eyes widened, "Mrs. Harper is on the other side of the school!" and they're no restrooms.

"Now Bella you can do this easily, or hard." he said giving me a stern look.

Why oh why did Edward have to choose _this_ day to leave hunting.

I looked out a window, sun, how freaking lovely!

I jumped some more, I guess you would call this the pee pee dance.

I grumbled again but took the paper from his hand, "Fine!"

"Oh and, Mr. Donavan needs you." he said turning away.

I made a sound mixed between growling and screaming, 'but he's on the _other_ side of the building!" and there's no restrooms!

He made a face, "You can hold it." and he took off to his office.

My jaw dropped, how DARE he!

I looked at the stupid piece of paper that was blocking me from the restroom. I should shred it right about now.

"Move Swan!" said the principal.

I jumped and then raced off, away from the inviting restroom, and to the other side of the building.

I know, you cant run, but I was holding in an explosion down here!

Mike was at his locker when he caught sight of me.

He smiled, "Bella!" he said and stopped me in my tracks.

I growled and let out colorful word in my head, "Mike! What do you want?"

He raised an eyebrow and shook his head, "I was ugh, trying to say sorry about the whole…Elvis impression at work." he said sliding his fingers through his head nervously.

I rolled my eyes, "Forget about it, it was totally cool anyway. I think you should try out for a impersonator in the future." I lied.

I bounced up and down really fast, had he not noticed by now?!

"Awesome, so ugh, what are you doing?" he asked.

I growled, "I have to deliver this to Mrs. Harper than go to Mr. Donavan." I said.

Mike slapped his head with the heel of his hand, "Oh I almost forgot! You have a message in the front office." he smiled.

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped. I paused for a moment, "Isn't that, like, a whole other building? Away from the…school?" I said nearly whispering.

He nodded, "Yeah it is. Jeez Bella I thought by now you would know were everything was." he said.

I know exactly were the bathroom is! Right across from me!

"yeah sure, me too. Well I gotta run, principal said this was VERY urgent." I said waving the paper.

Mike nodded, "Oh okay, you go ahead." he said.

And for once, I didn't say goodbye to him. As soon as he said the words ahead, I took off like lightning.

I sprinted to the room when a bunch of track members caught site of me running. Great.

"Hey Bella!" one shouted.

I stopped to see who called me.

It was Mark, the guy that's been trying to date Alice since she moved here. And yes, as you've probably guessed, Jasper's arch enemy.

I panted and walked over to him, "Hey ugh, Mark." I said not focusing.

"I saw you sprint there, you know, you have quality to be on the track." he said smiling.

Wait what? Me? Track team? I tripped five times on my way here right?

"I do?" I asked.

"Yeah! Like, you were really fast." he said.

Naw dip shirlock! You figured that all out by yourself?

"Well I guess I just didn't think about it." I said looking down the hallway bouncing.

"You should look into it sometime." he said smiling.

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah okay. Well I gotta run. Bye!"

He waved and I ran. I smiled while running, I could be a track runner?

For the heck of it I ran faster down the hall to show off.

And just like that, I tripped. I landed on the floor, on my arm.

"Ouch!" I said. I stumbled back up clutching onto it.

I examined it for a moment, nothing yet. But no doubt at bruise will pop up to say hello sooner or later.

Just then I felt another roll to use the bathroom. I clutched myself and tried running like that.

No use, so I let go and took off. It felt horrible running while holding in your fluids.

I saw Mrs. Harpers classroom and sighed when I reached the doorway.

I smoothed out my shirt and wiped the dust off my arm and walked in…then stopped in my tracks.

There was a unfamiliar teacher writing notes on the chalk board, I looked around. Everyone _looked_ like they belonged here.

I cleared my throat and walked in.

Everyone watched me as if I was a dead man.

I tapped the teachers shoulder and she spun around.

I jumped back, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." I said.

She set the chalk down and wiped her hands, "No its alright. I do that a lot. How may I help you?" she asked pushing her red rimmed glasses up.

I looked around, "The principal told me to give this to Mrs. Harper." I said holding up the paper.

She smiled, "You just missed her. Her little boy called in sick so she left to take care of him. But you can leave it on her desk if you like." she said gesturing to the desk.

Even though my face was all smiles I was about to tear this whole classroom down.

WOMAN UNDER PRESSURE HERE!

I smiled once again, "Okay I will. Thank you."

She nodded and turned back to the board.

I slammed the piece of paper on her desk and turned on my heel.

Everyone watched me stomp of with my hands balled into tight fists. I felt like something dangerous, a threat.

I walked out of the classroom when it hit me again. I clutched my self and tried to hold it in.

"Ugh!" I cried. I had to go so bad now it hurt.

I then remembered Mr. Donavan needed to see me. I growled and ran through the now empty hallways.

Just then a student popped out of no where, clutching a water bottle.

I winced on the inside.

I slowed my pace so I wouldn't knock him down and walked behind him. I tried not to think about using the bathroom or water the whole way.

Just then he shook the bottle and the water made a noise.

I bit my finger and tried to close my eyes, but how is it possible to walk with shut eyes?

So I squinted my eyes.

The boy whistled with one hand in his pocket and the water bottle in the other, shaking it.

I winced again, the pain grew stronger. I'm going to have a bladder infection if I don't go soon!

Suddenly the water bottle slipped from his hands and fell…and the cap wasn't screwed on properly.

Water went everywhere. I cried out in silent pain as I saw it.

He looked shocked and bent down to get it up.

Then he saw me, "Can you run and get a janitor for me?" he asked.

I looked at him,. "Do what?"

"Go get a janitor, hurry! And tell them to bring a mop bucket." he said.

I made a face, "Cant you just get some paper towels?"

He shook his head, "No, this isn't water, its that flavored stuff. It will make your feet all sticky if you don't get it up properly."

Of all thing to spill that looked like water he just HAD to spill this!

"Please!" he said.

I grunted and ran to the cafeteria. Lucky for me it wasn't to far away.

I smiled when I reached the doors. I walked in and everyone watched me, again, with those same eyes.

I ignored them and walked up to a cafeteria lady, "Were is the janitor?" I asked hopping.

"There was a incident on the freshman hallway, someone got sick. He's about done if you want to run and get him." she said.

I made a sound, "Fine." I said in a low voice.

She looked confused at my tone of voice but I took off before she could say anything.

I speed down the hallway trying to hurry up so that the bell wouldn't catch me.

I slid once again and fell down. Curse my klutziness.

I stumbled up yet again, when someone helped me up.

I looked at the hand, sadly it wasn't pure white like I hoped. Nor was it deep tan, thank god!

I looked up and saw Mike…how thrilling

"Nice landing." he said.

"yeah, you should see me at the house." I said.

He laughed and pulled me to my feet.

"Were you heading?" he asked.

"Some boy dropped and spilled his flavored water everywhere so I have to run to get the janitor." I said really fast. I kept on looking at the bathroom. It was calling my name.

He slid his hands in his pockets, "So? Get it up with paper towels." he said.

"I tried to tell him that, but he said that if it isn't gotten up properly it will be all sticky." I said imitating his voice.

Mike raised an eyebrow, "What a jerk. Well, if it helps I can go run and get the janitor for you." he said.

My eyes widened, "Really?!" I said in a high pitch tone.

He gave me an odd look, "yeah sure. You've been running so much. You need a break." And a toilet. I added mentally.

"Oh thanks!" I said. I gave him the hallway and raced off to Mr. Donavan's room.

The bell suddenly rang and all of the students exited they're classes.

I yelled and grumbled.

"PERFECT!" I said.

A person ran into me, and then another. I had no time for this.

I pushed through forcing my way. Everyone gave me dirty looks when I shoved them. I have no time!

One person blocked me,. "Watch it!" he said in a deep voice.

"Look, I have to run to forty different rooms and I haven't even gotten to a single one of my classes! Now shut up and get out of the way!" I yelled.

The junior stared at me and I stared right back.

He sighed and gave up, then let me pass.

I stomped my foot and ran again once there was a break.

I got the same look as always, but I didn't care. I had tomorrow to care, but then Edward would be back, so I guess I REALLY didn't have to care.

I saw Mr. Donavan and sighed with relief.

I walked up to him, "You wanted to see me?" I asked.

He looked at me, "Ah Bella yes! I wanted you to help me, but I have already gotten someone to do that for me now. So sorry." he said.

I stared at him for a moment, "Your joking right?"

"I'm afraid not. But anything else that's coming up I'll be sure to get to you first." he said smiling as if this was over.

I gave him a dirty look and stomped away. I walked towards the double doors which would lead me to the front office.

Once outside the wind hit me and blew my hair this way and that.

I grumbled and placed my hands on my hair to keep it in place and not messy.

I had to walk around the whole building just to get to that dang front office. I passed each hallway access to a restroom and nearly cried.

I HAD TO GO!

I looked in the parking lot once I was near it, no Volvo.

"Dang it." I said.

I stepped up to the front office's door and pulled it open with much force.

Mrs. Cope was at the front office, "Ah Bella! So nice to see you." she said friendly as always.

I will never forget though that she liked my boyfriend, how jealous she must be of me.

I smiled, "Always a pleasure. I heard I have a message." I said walking up.

Mrs. Cope looked away from the computer, "Ah yes! Hold on for one moment." she said getting up to dig around.

I sighed and walked over to the chairs, then sat in the one were I was on the first day of school.

Mike walked in and up to the counter.

Mrs. Cope turned around, "Hello Mike." she said smiling.

"I need you to make an announcement." he said panting. He must have been running here.

"What is it dear?" she asked walking up to grab a pen and pencil to write down the announcement.

Mike sighed, "The bathrooms are all closed." he said.

I nearly had a heart attack right then and there. What did he say?

"Oh dear! What happened?" she said writing it down.

He sighed again, "Some boys were cleaning up a water that spilt with paper towels and flushed way too many down the toilet." he said.

Perhaps these boys where HIM AND THE OTHER PERSON!

I gave him an evil look.

Mrs. Cope nodded "We get that a lot around here. Well, go ahead and go back to class. I'll be sure to announce it." she said.

He nodded and turned around, then flinched as he saw me staring at him.

"Found the janitor?" I hissed.

He gave me a cheesy smile and inched towards the door, then ran.

Mrs. Cope announced it on the intercom, every time she said shut down I slumped farther in my chair.

Bladder infection here I come.

She walked back in fixing her hair. I walked dup to the desk again, "My message?" asked.

She perked up, "Oh yes! Sorry about that."

She walked back to the desk behind her and pulled out an envelope with my name on it.

She pulled out a slip of paper and came back to me.

"Here we are." she said.

I took the form and stared at the words.

_Sorry about the restroom incident. But Emmett says that you can always use the forest._

_Edward._

_P.s. Alice says don't listen to Emmett because you'll be attacked by squirrels._

_Ps.s. Emmett says you should because he could film it and be a millionaire._

_P.s.s.s. Jasper says to calm down._

_Ps.s.s.s. Carlisle said you need a flu shot._

_P.s.s.s.s.s.Im tired of writing P.s._


	13. The joys of Tutoring

**Hey! Its your author here, well thanks for all the lovely reviews, I appreciate them very well. Now don't panic, I'm not typing for once because I'm going to announce that its over or anything, just because I...well…want to :D**

**So here a story that so happened to pop in my head. I don't know for sure if it will be good, but the idea was pretty good 2 me.**

**So review!**

Carlisle POV

So you inject the needle in the, "EMMETT MADE AN F! HA HA HA HA HA!" Alice said bursting through my doors pointing and laughing at Emmett.

I closed my book slowly and stared at the two brother and sister. How mature they are.

"So! It's all because of that stupid teacher! She thinks that I'm acting like a smart alec when I'm not! I mean, who DOESN'T know that Austin Powers is a famous British person!? I mean, yeah baby yeah!" he said impersonating Austin powers.

Alice and I stared at him for a long time with wide eyes.

He dropped his hands, "What? Too much?"

Alice rolled her eyes, "Just a smidge. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes! EMMETT MADE AN F! EMMETT MADE AN F! AND I GOT AN A!" she said skipping around him with a huge smile.

He growled, "Only because you forced Esme to!" he said.

I perked up and raised my eyebrows, "You did WHAT to Esme?"

"Pssh! Like I would do anything to mom…pssh…shut up Emmett." she said.

"Alice?" I said knowing that she's lying.

"Fine! I made her teach me speak English…happy?" she said sticking her tongue out at Emmett.

He smiled, "Very!"

"Humph." she said and crossed her arms.

I sighed, "Why in the WORLD did you go see Esme to teach you English?" I asked.

They looked at me for a long moment, debating on whether or not to speak.

I raised an eyebrow, "Well?"

"Are you serious? Or are you REALLY asking us a death trap question?" Emmett asked.

I sighed and rubbed my temples, "Above all people in this house you two have no intelligence." I said.

"Thank you!" Emmett said smiling.

Alice hit his arm, "That's not a good thing you ding bat!"

"Fart knocker!" he said.

"Dumb nut!" she said.

"Pickled eater!" he said.

She gasped.

"What? Did I go to far?" he asked.

She frowned and nodded. Emmett gave her a hug, and then they turned back to Carlisle.

"Oookay." he said after there little moment, "Anyway, why the heck would you go to ESME? I mean, come on! I was BORN in England." I said pointing to myself.

They looked at me for a long moment like I just spoke French, "You were born in England?" Emmett said.

I sighed and laid my head in my hands. This is going to be interesting.

I looked back up at them, "Do you want lessons or not?"

Emmett's eyebrows raised up, "Really?!" his voice went another level too.

I nodded once, feeling the regret creep up on me, "And Alice too."

She gave me a look, "But I made an A." she said.

"A + is what your aiming for." I said smiling.

She looked at me odd, but them shrugged.

Suddenly Edward walked in slamming a piece of paper on my desk, "I HATE FORGEIN LANGUAGES!" he screamed.

Then we heard someone run up the stairs, fall then get back up.

Bella was running in, she slammed a paper on my desk, "CURSE YOU ENGLAND AND YOUR ODD LANGUAGE!" she screamed, then looked at me, and waved.

I gave her a bored look.

Then Rosalie walked in, "What do we hate?" she asked looking at Bella.

"The English language. It SUCKS!" Edward said.

Bella nodded right next to him.

Rosalie chuckled without humor and rolled her eyes, "Wow, why didn't you just get Esme?" she asked.

My jaw dropped, "Hello? I was born in England!" I said.

Rosalie waved off everyone and left silently. Bella raised an eyebrow, but then shook her head and looked at me, "A little help?" she said.

"Oh now you come to me?!" I said to everyone.

They all looked at each other, shrugged, and nodded.

I sighed, and pushed my chair away, "Come with me." I said.

I walked down the hall and into a secret room of mine. I unlocked the door and stepped aside as everyone walked in.

Everyone breathed when they came in with excitement. I shut the door behind me and looked at everyone's faces.

The room had thousands of pictures of different parts of England, the queens and kings, castles from my time, and other portraits.

"Sit down." I said walking behind a desk and gestured to the chairs behind them.

They looked at the chair, then sat down. Bella was of course, next to Edward.

I cleared my throat, "Welcome, to English class." I said.

"I HATE THIS CLASS! MOMMY!" Emmett said curling up into a ball.

I raised an eyebrow, "Okay, welcome to…non English class." I corrected.

Emmett uncurled, "I'm beginning to like this class." he said smiling.

I sighed, "Anyway, who can tell me something about…non England." I said looking at Emmett.

Alice raised her hand, "Yes?" I called on her.

"They speak English." she said smiling.

Emmett slapped his head with the heel of his hand, "Dang! I should have known."

I paused for a moment and looked at them, "Err…okay? Anything ELSE?" I said pleading.

Emmett raised his hand, "Oh! Pick me!"

I sighed, "Yes Emmett?"

"French fried were invented there!" he said with a smile.

I tried not to laugh, "No, that was in France."

He grumbled, "I knew I should have guessed the same place were they make spaghetti."

Alice chuckled.

"Anyway, is there anything anyone would like to put?" I asked.

"Put where? You know I'm not good at putting things away. But I'm mastered at putting building blocks together!" Emmett said.

Alice's jaw dropped, "You stole a flipping block from a four year old! Then he wouldn't give it to you, so you GROWLED AT THE CHILD!" she said.

"He deserved it! I called the blue one WAY before he ever did!" Emmett said crossing his arms.

"He cant even say his name yet!" she said.

"Wow, then he's not very smart now is he?" Emmett said.

I clapped my hands together, "Can we move along?" I asked.

There was silence, I took that as a yes.

"Now, can anyone tell me were its located?" I asked.

Bella raised her hand thank god!

"Yes Bella?" I asked to urgently.

She smiled, "The Sahara desert." she said.

I paused and looked at her. Edward praised her and Emmett told her how smart she was.

I nearly ripped my hair out of my head.

"No! No, its located east of Ireland." I said patiently.

"Same difference." she said crossing her arms.

I cleared my throat, 'And, what grade did you make? Exactly?" I asked.

"An F+" she said smiling.

Again with the praising.

I clapped my hands together again, "Enough! Now, what is the capital of England?" I asked.

"Pssh! That's easy!" Edward said.

My son, my smart son, dear god don't make me change my mind.

"Yes Edward?" I said.

"Paris! Duh!" he said.

Bella praised him like everyone else.

I grabbed my hair and pulled on it a little. My face should be turning red, to bad it cant. I guess I pray tonight, for my son has turned STUPID!

I sighed, "The capital is London."

"That's what I said, Paris." he said.

I smacked my forehead and ran it down my face. Wow, this is very interesting.

"Moving on, what country is it in?" I asked.

"CHINA!"

"ASIA!"

"AUSTRALIA!"

"TACO BELL!"

Do I even HAVE to say who said the last answer? Didn't think so.

I grumbled, "NO! This was so simple! It is in the United Kingdom! It shares the border with Scotland and Wales! Dear Lord!" I said.

Emmett gasped, "If there is a place called Wales…were is sea lions?"

I grumbled, "There is NO SUCH THING AS SEA LION!" I said.

"IS TOO! I SAW ONE ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL!" he said in a small voice.

I grumbled, "THERE ISNT ANOTHER PLACE CALLED SEA LION AND NO THERE ISNT SUCH THING AS PARIS ENGLAND AND NO THEY DIDN'T INVENT THE FRENCH FRYS!" I busted.

I panted and everyone watched me as I glowered them.

"Oh I get it!" Emmett said.

I tried to calm down, were is Jasper when you need him?, "What is it now Emmett?" I asked.

He smiled, "We are learning about Greece."

I stared at them for a long moment. I planted my hands on the side of my desk, and pointed towards the door, "Get. Out." I said.

"But I still don't understand." Bella said.

"You guys never WILL understand! Now leave my bloody room! You are a bunch of dotty lads!" I said in my accent.

Alice stood up, "Well good day to you!" she said in a accent.

Then Bella, "Yeah! Whatever!"

Then Edward, "Bella! Wait!"

And finally Emmett, "I like doughnuts."

I slammed my head on the desk and sighed. Now I know why I cant be a teacher.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Outside the door of his "teaching room"**

Esme handed them all $20 as they passed out the door.

"Think I cant teach them English…huh! I'll show him." she said.

Then she turned to everyone else, "Now seriously, what did you guys make?"

"A" they all replied.

She smiled, "Wonderful, and Emmett, tell me something about it."

He put his hands in his pockets and smiled, "England became a unified state during the 10th century and takes its name from the Angles, one of a number of Germanic tribes who settled in the territory during the 5th and 6th centuries. The capital city of England is London, which is the largest city in Great Britain, and the largest city in the European Union by most, but not all, measures." he finished.

Esme smiled, "Wonderful." she said laughing.

**So did you like it? I haven't read it all but I hope it was good! Well review and I might just add another one sooner than you think.**

**Bye!**

**Klutzzy55**


	14. Drive Thru At Arby's

"This is so wrong in many ways." Bella said watching as Emmett pulled up in a mini van.

He swerved it like a stunt driver and made it nearly hit her. Only for show.

He rolled down the windows, "Hop in!" he told everyone.

Rosalie snapped her gum and uncrossed her arms, "Again, why did we have to go all James Bond to simply get a car and go to Arby's?"

Emmett smiled, "Because being all Jason Bourne was soooo last season."

Rosalie rolled her eyes and hopped in the VERY back of the mini van.

Alice ran in, literally, and gestured for Jasper to join.

He raised his hands and shook his head, "No way. This has disaster written all over it."

Emmett poked his head out of the window and looked at the car, "No it doesn't…but I can arrange that." he said magically pulling a fork out of thin air.

Alice swiftly grabbed it, "Not today."

"Fun sucker." Emmett grouched while crossing his arms like…well…Emmett.

"Cant you see Alice? Emmett is at the wheel, I'm in the same car as my prey, and Rosalie has the emotions of a pregnant lady." Jasper said ticking off the reasons he shouldn't go with his fingers.

Edward glared at him but Jasper just shrugged.

Rosalie leaned up from the back seat, "For your info Jasper I do not have the emotions of a pregnant lady."

"Well its pretty close. Can you please get over the life-sucks-because-I-got-no-money-because-I-didn't-participate-in-Esme's-gamble? I mean come on! Your fault!" Jasper said.

Her jaw dropped, "I' am not upset about that!"

"Guys! Can we please just go?!" Bella said.

Every vampire stared at her for a second…then silently she added, "Please?"

Jasper crossed his arms, "Not till Emmett switches with someone else."

Bella rolled her eyes in a hopeless matter. For vampires that have roamed the earth for years they sure do act like two year olds.

"Why?!" Emmett said in a whiney voice.

"Because the last time you drove we ended up in Ohio!" Jasper barked.

"What's so bad about that?" Emmett said totally planning on returning just as soon as everyone was in.

"Edward," Alice voice chimed, "take Emmett's spot so my husband will get in the god forsaken car!"

"Mini van." Emmett corrected her.

Rosalie huffed, "You know how much of a soccer mom you look like?" she said to Emmett.

Bella stared at Emmett for the longest time. Emmett? Look like a soccer Mom? What kind of happy pills was Rosalie taking?

Emmett's jaw dropped, "That's it!" he said and shoved the door open.

He hopped out of the mini van as if it had sneezed on him or something.

He pointed to it, "I'm not driving something that will make me less manly!" he stated.

Everyone rolled they're eyes. Edward slipped into the drivers seat while Emmett piled in the back with Rosalie. Bella went to the passenger seat and Jasper next to Alice, naturally.

Edward buckled his seat belt, "Is everyone in?" he said looking in the rear view mirror.

"Nope, you left the soccer kids on the field." Emmett said laughing at his own joke.

It carried on for awhile till he noticed nobody was laughing with him.

"Oh come on! That was totally a knee slapper!" he said.

Rosalie inched away from her husband and Edward started the car.

The radio blared "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" and everyone growled.

They all looked at Jasper and his eyes went wide, "Don't look at me! I have "Mary had a Little Lamb" not some itsy spider thingy. " he said shaking it off.

Everyone then turned back to look at the rode and Edward took off.

Bella switched it to a different station and it blared "Big Girls Don't Cry". And what do you know? Everyone looked at Emmett.

His face went a shade paler, "So what?! I switched up the stations on the way here," he sniffed, "only cool people do it."

Alice laughed without humor, "Oh jeez Emmett! Big Girls Don't Cry?!"

He shrugged, "Its totally normal."

"For you." Jasper grumbled.

Edward sighed and switched the station again. It made the car vibrate to "Big Things Popping" by T.I.

Then everyone looked at small Alice. She ducked her head, "Sorry."

Emmett pointed so hard out the window that it smacked Edward and made them swerve. But since Edward WAS driving, we managed to swerve back to the correct spot. How Emmett reached all the way from the back to the front? They will never know.

"ARBYS'!" Emmett shouted still pointing to the large red shaped hat.

Edward rubbed the side of his face from were he was hit, "Yes… its Arby's."

Emmett sat back in his seat and gave Rosalie a cheesy smile, "Hey Rose?"

Even though she knew what was fixing to come she sighed, rolled her eyes and looked at him, "What?"

"I'm thinking Arby's." he said bouncing his eyebrows up and down.

She made a disgusted sound, "Hey Emmett? I'm thinking of a restraining order."

His jaw dropped, "No way! Against who?!" he said. It amazes me how stupid a genius can be.

"I'll give you a hint, he's bulky and has a small--"

"WE'RE HERE!" Bella shouted before Rosalie could finish her sentence.

"Oh goody!" Jasper said clapping his hands and jumping up and down in his seat.

Alice stared at him, "What?" he said.

"When we get home, I'm permanently taking away Mother Goose bed time Lullabies." she said.

His eyes widened, "NEVER!!!!" and attempted to make a run for it. But Alice held him down in the car's chair while sticking a sock in his mouth. Random much?

"Guys stop it! I'm trying to find the way to the order thingy." Edward said driving around the whole Arby's.

"Why don't you go inside? Or heres a better thought, how bout _I_ go inside?" Alice said.

"NO!" everyone said together.

"Go to the thing that says order here." Bella said pointing to a drive thru.

"Drive throooo…thrioiuios….drive what?!" Emmett said trying to read drive thru.

"Drive thru." Bella said.

"They spelt it wrong." Emmett said happily.

Jasper turned around to look at him, "And how do you spell it?"

"Easy!," Emmett said, "D-R-I-V-E T-H-R-O-O"

Jasper looked at him for a long moment, turned around, and laughed.

Edward pulled up and waited for a moment. There was a box looking thing with hole on it for some reason and a screen beneath it flashing images of food.

Rosalie stared at it.

Everything was silent, everything was patient (or trying to cough cough Emmett) and everyone was leaning closer to the thing with food flashing on it.

"Now what?" Jasper asked to break the silence.

And then, "Welcome to Arby's how may I--"

"AAAGGGGHHHH!!!! THE THING! THE THING SPEAKS! I KNEW THIS PLACE WAS CURSED!" Emmett said hoping into Rosalie's lap.

"Get off of me!" she grunted and dropped him in the VERY VERY back.

There was a short pause, "Oookay? Anyway, Welcome to Arby's how may I-"

"SMACK IT! JUST SMACK IT EDWARD! TELL IT WHOS BOSS!" Emmett said popping up from the back were the grocery's are usually put.

Rosalie slapped him, "Stop it!"

"You know, for a guy that's still obsessed with his blinky thing at Sonic, this is a huge change." Jasper said turning around to face Emmett.

Emmett made a face, "And for a guy that likes to do CPR on little girls is really weird!" he stuck his tongue out.

"Guys!" Edward said trying to make silence.

He then turned to Bella, "What would you like?" he said smiling.

She opened her mouth but Alice spoke, "Number one combo with Arby's sauce and a diet coke."

Edward and Bella both looked at her.

"Let Bella speak for herself." Edward said.

Alice scrunched her face, "I wasn't speaking for her at all. I was speaking for _myself_."

Everyone stared at her, "What?!" she said sounding innocent.

"You cant eat though." Jasper said raising an eyebrow.

"Well it wont kill me to try something." she said and looked out the window, "Besides, the commercial makes me curious."

Edward slowly turned to Bella, "And you?"

She opened her mouth but Emmett spoke, "Oh my god is that a milkshake!? No way! My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like-"

"Are you going to order or not?!" the intercom screamed.

And yet again, so did Emmett, "LOOK AWAY FROM ITS EYES EDWARD!"

Everyone sighed and squirmed in they're seats.

Edward turned his gaze back to her. She smiled, "A large roast beef sandwich and-"

"LARGE?!" Emmett said making it sound like an outrage.

Bella sighed with a flaring nose, "And a Minute Maid." she said to Edward.

Edward turned to the intercom and leaned in so closed to it that he nearly fell out of the car.

"Yes, intercom thing, I would like a large roast beef-"

"Whoa! Wait! You don't have to get so close to this. I need my ear drum you know!" the person said on the other side.

"BITE IT EDWARD! MAKE IT SUFFER!" Emmett said from behind the seat.

Rosalie suddenly had a water spray can and sprayed Emmett in the face with it, "Bad Emmett!" she said spraying him like a dog.

Edward backed away, "Is this good?" he asked.

"No, your too loud still!" he barked.

Edward leaned back so far that his butt touched the seat again, "How bout now?"

"Speak up!" the intercom person said.

"IS THIS GOOD!?" Edward yelled.

"YELL EDWARD! ROAR LIKE A TIGER AT IT! MAKE HIM FEAR YOU!" Emmett said. Honestly, I think he thinks he's in a wrestling match or something.

"Too loud! Just…talk like you normally would to a person!" he said getting mad.

Edward cleared his throat, "Hello umm…intercom? And how is your day?"

"No! Not like how you would talk TO a person. How LOUD your voice is to the person your talking to!" he growled.

Edward huffed, "Why is this so complicated!?"

"Just tell me your order so my shift can be over with!" he said.

Bella was getting angrier and angrier at the person working. And Emmett was getting closer and closer to tackling the intercom box with full force.

"A large roast beef sandwich and a Minute Maid!" Edward shouted.

But then Alice kicked the back of his chair and he spun around to look at her, "What?!" he said getting angry.

"My stuff?" she said pointing to herself.

"What?! No! That's just a waste of money! Your not going to eat it and there's nothing to it!" he said.

She kicked the seat again, "Order it or I'll go in there and order it myself!"

It didn't take a second thought before Edward turned back to the speaker thing and said, "And a number one combo with Arby's sauce and a diet coke!" he screamed really fast.

The screen showed them what they ordered.

"$17.89 pull up o the next window." he ordered.

"OH YEAH?! WELL MAKE US!" Emmett said. Then he pushed his nose up against the back window, "WHAT NOW!?" he said.

Edward stopped at the next window and looked up at the doors that had a guy behind them. And boy was there a lot to look at.

He had choppy hair that was freshly dyed black and blue streaks, a wide whole in his ear that looked painful. Piercing in his nose, lip, seven in his ear, tongue, and four in his eyebrow. He had black tattoos up and down his arm and one that left all the Cullen's staring at.

A tattoo that said "Bite Me" on his neck.

Bella could have sworn she saw Jasper lick his lips.

The guy opened the window and held out his freshly black painted nails, "$17.89" he said.

What a good memory he has…jerk.

Edward tore his eyes away from the tattoo and dug in his wallet for some cash. He handed the man his money and waited.

Jasper tapped Edward's shoulder, "Did you-"

"Yeah…I saw it." he said.

The guy opened the window again, this time with a stud bracelet and handed Edward the cash along with a slip of paper.

Edward looked at the piece of paper, "What's the piece of paper for?"

The guy looked at Rosalie, "For the chick in the back." he said smiling at her.

Emmett crawled from the very back and next to Alice. He rolled down the window and looked at they guy. Everyone braced themselves.

"Hey," Emmett said, "Watch it okay? There's this box that speaks somewhere behind this building okay? And it even has an attitude. So yeah…just be on the look out." Emmett told the guy not realizing what had just happened with the whole number and Rosalie crisis.

Her mouth dropped as she watched Emmett crawl back in the back. He gave her a smile and sat down, shaking the car.

The guy raised an eyebrow but handed Edward they're food.

Edward looked at him in the eye, "You can have the number back." he said forging the number into his hands, "She's married." he said.

The guy looked upset, but just shrugged.

Edward handed Bella the food and tapped the gas pedal.

"WAIT EDWARD! HONK THE HORN!" Emmett said as if realizing something.

Edward raised an eyebrow, "Do what?"

"Honk the horn! Come on! Do it!" he said.

Edward looked around, "Why?"

Emmett sighed, "Just trust me." he said.

Edward shrugged and honked the horn three times, long and loud. The guy poked his head out of the window and shouted profanities at them for some reason.

Edward looked at Emmett, "What was that for?"

"Well, I saw this sign that read honk your horn if your experience was great!" Emmett said.

But everyone knew…it was the most bizarre experience they've ever taken.


	15. Depressing News

**Brief authors note here. I'm not going to say read this or no that, but I was just here to simply say something depressing. Okay, as a major Twilight fan I do research and stuff on how things are going. But my favorite interest in my research is the movie that they're making. [I'm sure everyone has heard about it and is just as excited. I have literally a whole group of friends that are coming with me to watch it, and we don't even know when it will come out! But sadly my research has bumped me into a finding. Fans and authors, we will not be seeing the movie till 2010. Depressing right? There has also been a RUMOR [not fact or statement, a rumor that Emily Browning may possibly play as Bella. I am sure they mention a script or something for her. Its on Twilight Lexicon. No news on anything about Edward's role [dangit! but till then I can fill you in, unless your like me and finds for themselves. is my life and is my home. Freaky huh?**

**With all my love**

**Klutzzy55**

**p.s. this is the part were you sob…I did. **

**lol**


	16. Part One

I slowly chewed my food, aware of the predator watching me with cautious eyes. I poked my cereal and watched it fall deeper in the milk. The predator put his elbow on the table and rested his head in his hand while watching boredly. I swallowed my Life cereal and looked up at his gold eyes. He saw me and sighed.

I pushed the bowl under his nose and he stared at it in disgust, "You don't honestly think I want that?" he said scrunching his nose like he just smelt a werewolf.

"Well, quite staring at it. Your acting like your going to move it with your eyes or something." I said.

The golden hair predator dropped his arm and pushed the bowl of now soggy cereal back to me, "It was worth a shot."

I rolled my eyes and scooped up another bite, and yet again he watched me.

I slammed my spoon down, "Jasper! Quite watching me!"

He looked like he was shocked, "Edward's command!"

I ran through my head why in the world Edward let him watch ME in the first place.

Edward and the rest of the family went hunting. Jasper had duty to watch over me tonight. Emmett wanted to, but Carlisle disagreed. Not only because Alice saw something involving Axe and a lighter, but also poodle skirts and stilettos. And they weren't for me.

Jasper pushed his chair away from the table, then walked over to the stairs. He looked up in wonder.

"So this is were Edward spends half of his time?" he said still looking up the stair case.

I rinsed out my bowl, "Yup." I said.

Jasper made a face, "Why?" he asked like it was stupid.

I placed the bowl on a towel to dry and walked over to him with a shrug.

Jasper suddenly froze, I thought it was because I came to close to him, like a hazard zone. But I thought wrong.

I heard the door knob turn and held by breath. I thought Jasper would run for it and hide, but instead he froze and watched the door in horror.

The last thing I saw was Jasper's worried eyes.

Charlie walked in shuffling his feet on the place mat to get the mud off.

"Bella?" he said looking at his feet still.

"Yes." I whispered praying mentally that Jasper would run for it.

"What are you cook--" then he saw Jasper still standing next to me. He studied our worried faces and took them the wrong way.

"Oh, hello Jasper. And uh…what might you be doing here?" he said looking between me and him.

I cleared my throat, "Dad, Jasper was just here to--"

"Don't tell Edward!" Jasper shot like a bullet before I could finish.

I looked at him with my jaw dropped. Then I looked back at Charlie and saw that he had the same expression.

Jasper looked at me with apologetic eyes and wound his arm around my shoulder, "He doesn't know anything. And neither does Alice."

I fought the urge to shake off his arm, because something told me there was a meaning to this whole thing.

Charlie looked outraged, "Bella! Your going out with Jasper behind Edwards back--"

"Dad I--" I cut him off. But then he cut me off.

"And you didn't tell me?!" he said smiling now.

My eyebrow raised, but I felt my rage melt away. Probably because Jasper was using his gift on me.

Jasper shrugged and sighed, "I don't know what to tell you. We were both talking one day and found out that our feelings for each other were stronger than we thought. And…well…" he shrugged.

I could sense that he was holding his breath. Because his temptation was more than his control.

Charlie nodded his head, "I understand." then he looked at me, "And you are sure that you want him?"

I felt Jasper squeeze my shoulder, telling me to act.

I cleared my throat and wrapped both arms around his waist and gave him a large hug, "Yes, I do." I said with a smile.

That was the most awkward hug in the world. Jasper sent another wave of calm as my heart beat raced with internal pain.

Charlie smiled, "Don't worry kids, your secret is safe with me." he patted Jaspers shoulder and walked to the TV.

I dropped my arms immediately and turned to see his face, "Room, now." I whispered/barked.

He nodded once.

"Dad? I'm going to show Jasper something really fast." I said winding my arm through his roughly.

Charlie didn't take his eyes away from the TV, but he wasn't dumb, "What are you showing him?" he said.

I searched for something to "show" Jasper.

"Um…a tour of the house." I said.

Jasper looked at me with a what-in-the-world look, but I just shrugged.

Dad waved it off, "Sure go ahead. But the bathroom isn't cleaned."

"Oh no its okay!" I said and dragged Jasper to my room.

He let go of my arm and walked gracefully over to my bed, then sat down. And get this, its Edward's spot.

I turned to him, "What on Earth is your problem?!" I whispered very loudly.

He looked at me with an emotionless face, "What do you mean?"

I gestured between me and him, "The whole cheating with each other thing!"

"Oh," he said and leaned back on my bed, "I had to do it."

"You had to?! What do you mean you had to!?" I said furiously.

"Bella," he sent a calming wave again, "we had to tell him that. I mean, how else could we have said 'Oh, Jasper is here because the rest of his vampire family are off to hunt animals so he had to watch Bella'? I mean, honestly Bella, that's the best way we could explain my appearance."

I shook my head, "if you thought about it we could have said you were dropping off something." I said tapping my head.

"No, because when I left he would have suspected something." Jasper said sternly.

"But at least we wouldn't have to pretend we're dating! And cheating on the ones we love! I mean, think about what Alice thinks?!" I said pacing back and forth.

He leaned up, "But she _doesn't_ know." he said smoothly.

I laughed without humor, "She's a psychic Jasper, she'll know!"

He rolled his eyes, "We'll tell her the truth."

"She wont know the truth!" I busted.

His hand was around my mouth to keep me silent. I was flaring my nostrils in fury. What would Edward think.

"Just pretend till I leave okay?" he said. Then he took his hand off my mouth.

I looked at him with narrowed eyes, "And when will you leave?"

He walked and sat back on the bed, "When they come back from hunting of course."

When they come back to kill, I thought.

He started laughing and I looked at him suspiciously, "What?" I asked.

He looked at me, "Your such a home wrecker."

**Whoop whoop, pretty good so far huh? Part two coming up! But I need a lot of reviews!!! So what are you waiting for? REVIEW!**


	17. Point Of View

**Edward and Alice hunting while Jasper and Bella are at Bella's.**

EPOV

I felt a large stick get thrown at me. I didn't have to turn around to see Emmett with a stick in his hand.

"Edward! Come on man! Play Star Wars with me!" he begged.

Does it necessarily mean to THROW a stick at my HEAD to make me play?!

"No Emmett." I said trying to spot a deer.

He whined, "Awe come on! You can be Anakin and I'll be Obi Won Kenobi!"

I took the stick away from him, "I'm NOT going to play your childish games."

Emmett pouted and stuck his tongue out, "Its not childish."

I broke the sticks in half and threw them over my shoulder.

I wonder what Alice was doing?

But right then, I didn't have to wonder anymore, "JASPER WHITLOCK/HALE!!!!" she screamed.

I covered my ears till she was through. Suddenly her tiny frame was in front of me. Her eyes were furious, her teeth gritted, and even though she wasn't worn out from running she was panting. She held a large trunk in front of her then with little effort crushed it.

It fell form her fingers like sand. I looked away from it and at her with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm guessing this has something to do with Jasper?" I said.

She poked my chest, "And your precious Bella." she said.

I looked at her shocked. Since when did she not like Bella? And was she hanging out with Rosalie?

Alice paced back and forth and I leaned against a tree, "Your not going to tell me are you?" I said.

She laughed without humor, "Oh I'm going to tell you. Just HOW is the point. How can I tell you without killing Jasper? How can I tell you till you believe me? How can I--"

"Alice, what is it?" I said getting anxious. Either Jasper did a really bad thing or Alice is on some kind of pills.

She stopped pacing and looked at me. Her face then faded from all fury. It was sad, almost depressed. She looked like she was fixing to cry. I felt the need to comfort her, but for what? What was the source?

She looked away from me and dry sobbed. I knew something was up. But what?

Something about Bella and Jasper. Something that is making Alice try to cry. And something that I probably didn't want to know.

She took in a deep breath and looked at me, "There is something I have to tell you." she said.

For some reason, now I felt like I didn't want to know.

She sighed, "I had a vision while I was hunting…and I saw Jasper." she started. I gestured her to move along.

She sighed again and looked at her feet, "I saw Jasper and Bella…together." That kind of made me worried.

"Anything else?" I asked.

She nodded and took a deep breath, "They were…in love, I think. They had they're arms around each other and were saying that they liked each other. Charlie was there too."

I didn't get the last part, the only thing I heard was that they were in love. They were touching each other. They even SAID they liked each other.

That was it.

I grabbed Alice by her collared shirt and held her up, "What else did you hear?" I shouted.

She grabbed my wrist, "Nothing. It ended."

I dropped her without knowing I did it. She landed gracefully however. Like a cat, Bella had said.

I leave Jasper there to WATCH her and then this happens?!

I looked at Alice, she looked at me, and then I knew, we both had the same thought.

"EMMETT!" we both yelled.

**Not intended to be sad. This will be the only sad part of Interrupting Bella. But its kind of funny when you think about how they're going to great lengths about nothing really. And to bring Emmett into it? Challenging. Ha ha, he's a goober. Well, must have more reviews to get to the part two of Jasper and Bella!**

**REVIEW!!!!**


	18. Part Two

**Now this goes out to my reviewers, thank you for following the rules/ directions. You chose wisely. And now for Part Two! Let the game begin [No Emmett that doesn't mean we can play Dora The Explorer**

Me and Jasper stumbled down the steps, holding hands. It felt very odd. He leaned to me and whispered, "Act normal."

I leaned to him, "This is as NORMAL as we're gonna be." I said looking at our hands.

He nodded, "Agreed."

Charlie looked up from the TV and at us, then our hands, "Did Bella finish up the tour?" he asked.

Jasper smiled, "Yes, you have a very nice home Mr. Swan."

Charlie coughed, "You don't have to call me Mr. Swan. Makes me sound funny." he said.

Jasper nodded, "Sir, then."

Charlie shrugged, "That's fine." he said then turned to look back at the TV.

I smiled, "Guess I'll show you the kitchen now."

Jasper looked at me, then at my fake smile, "Okay sweet heart." he said and squeezed my hand.

I gave a small laugh, totally fake, and we headed off to the kitchen.

He sat down in Edward's chair and gazed at me. He was pushing this acting thing.

I walked in the kitchen, "Would you like anything Jasper dear?" I said gagging mentally.

I saw him shudder slightly, "No thank you love, all I need is you." he said.

I watched as he made a gagging face when Charlie wasn't watching. I laughed.

"Oh honey, your too kind." I said like a bad actress.

He smiled a cheesy smile, "Come here." he said and held open his arms.

My eyes widened and I mouthed the words 'No!'

Okay, calling each other gooshy names I can handle, hugging? Not so much.

'Yes!' he mouthed back.

I made a face and shook my head. He wasn't going to get his way this time.

'Now!' he mouthed with irritated eyes.

"Go on Bella, give Jasper a hug." Charlie said eyeing us. He was soaking everything in with joy. No Edward.

I looked at my dad, then Jasper. Jasper sent me a smile but it really meant 'Now you have no choice. Just think of it as a friendly matter'.

I growled in my head mentally, but on the outside I put on a large smile and opened my arms.

I walked over to him, "Jazzy poo." I said.

His smile twitched, "Ella love."

Ella love? Is that all he's got?

We reached each other in a big hug. In my ear he whispered, "Edward was right about your acting."

"Your fault." I whispered back.

We let go of each other but I took his hands in mine. He looked up at me with an impressed smile. I was better at this acting thing. But the feeling never went away.

Suddenly there was music blaring in the speakers. We both looked at Charlie as he slid a smooth jazz cd in that was meant for couples. He looked at us both and smiled, "Dance," he said.

Me and Jasper looked at Charlie, then each other. I tried to make my eyes not look so wide with shock and Jasper tried to calm down.

Jasper cleared his throat, "Bella, would you like to dance?"

I thought of every deny I could think of, but I knew that I couldn't use them. Because I was cheating on Edward with Jasper. For the moment.

I took in a deep breath and smiled, "I would love to."

Jasper put one hand on the small of my back and then our hands linked together.

He held my hand tightly, probably the way he always did with Alice.

I let out a little whimper and he loosened his grip. I sighed mentally.

"I have no clue how to dance." I told him. Normally Edward would let me stand on his toes and made it LOOK like I was dancing. But now I couldn't because A) I didn't have a dress to cover my toes so no one would notice I was on Jasper's toes and B) I wasn't with Edward. I was with Jasper.

He rolled his eyes, "If you step on my toes I probably wont feel it. So just act like you know what your doing." he whispered.

I nodded determined to make it look right. Then, Jasper winked. It was a gesture to tell me that he was fixing to dance.

Then after he took a step, I followed. Then sooner or later we were dancing. Or, Jasper was dragging me around since I had no taste. Charlie watched in awe. I noticed that he even turned the TV off. What is wrong with him?

"So Jasper, what do you like so much about my daughter?" Charlie said. Why did he never ask these questions to Edward? I knew he wasn't on to something. He hardly knows Jaspers name…I think.

Jasper looked at me lovingly, pretending I was Alice, "I love the way she is always so…unexpected. She always catches me off guard. I think she will do one thing, but instead she does a whole different thing. I love how she would give up everything for something so unworthy. And I love how she is. She's everything I've ever wanted, and I couldn't ask for anything more or less. She's my better half." he finished.

Okay, I know the whole thing was fake, but seriously, how touching was that?! I also knew that most of the words were what Edward says about me. Like the unexpected thing? Yeah, totally Edward.

I smiled at him, pretending it was Edward that just told me that, "I love you because you're my world. I thought I was complete with Edward, but really, he was just a star that directed me to you. I couldn't see myself without you. I cant love another as much. And I will never love another." I said.

Okay, mushy I know. But don't worry, I just threw up in my mouth, no joke. I kept on thinking of Edward walking through the doors, tapping Jasper on the shoulder asking him if he could have this dance, and then sweep me up in his arms.

But no, It was Jasper who was dancing with me. I hated this. I have to remind myself that this is the same guy that likes "Mary Had A Little Lamb" and even has the cd.

Jasper smiled at me, an impressed smile at my acting.

Suddenly there was sobbing, we both looked at Charlie. He was wiping his tears with the blanket that laid on the couches arm.

I looked at Jasper and he shrugged. We let go of each other and nearly took 10 steps away from each other. That sobby stuff we said about each other, that was totally false, was really…weird.

Then, out of no where, a M&M was thrown threw the window. I jumped back and screamed.

Jasper walked over to it and picked it up. On the piece of candy there was the letter 'E' marked on it. He raised an eyebrow and showed it to me.

I made a face, "E?" I said.

He nodded, "What is THAT suppose to mean?" he said.

I shrugged, "Your guess is as good as mine."

But we didn't have to guess, because out of nowhere five more came flying through the window.

I saw that Charlie had already ran up into his room. Good.

Jasper picked them up and read them off, "T-E-M-M-T?"

"What?!" I said totally lost and confused.

Jasper laid them out on the table and scrambled them up.

"Tememt?" he guessed.

I shook my head, "No, that's not even a word."

He shrugged, "Maybe its Swahili."

I laughed, "I doubt that."

"Maybe, memett?" he tried again.

I pursed my lips, "No, but it sound familiar."

"For goodness sakes! Its Emmett! E-M-M-E-T-T!" Emmett said with a bag of M&M's in his hands.

"What the--?" Jasper said. But then Edward ran into the living room and charged for him.

"EDWARD!" I screamed.

"BELLA!" Alice said running in. My eyes widened.

"EMMETT!" Emmett said.

Jasper let out a roar and charged for Edward. Alice watched me with evil eyes. My every movement.

"Alice, what is this all about?!" I said over the fighting and Emmett's cheering.

She growled, "You took Jasper away from me!"

My jaw dropped, "What?! NO! I never did that!"

She didn't believe me, I could tell, but she eased up a little, "Then how do explain you and Jasper confessing your love for each other?!"

I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing. That made Edward get off of Jasper and sucked up his wet willy that he was fixing to land on Jasper's face.

Alice eased to the point were she looked normal.

"You think me? And Jasper? Were…." I started laughing again.

Then Jasper started laughing. Edward and Alice looked at each other with wide eyes.

For no reason, Emmett started laughing.

I got up from the floor and wiped a tear away. I smiled at Edward and Alice.

"Me and him were pretending."

They both raised an eyebrow, "What?" They said together.

Then I saw them drop weapons from behind them on the floor.


	19. The Box

APOV

Okay, it was either me, or Emmett to get away from our new job. And I'll tell you right now its NOT Emmett! I was breaking free from this place. I' am going to dig a whole with a plastic spoon away from this place. I was going to threaten someone with a ultra hair blow dryer if I have to! Note to self: get ultra hair dryer before escaping. But the bottom line is one thing…get my scrawny little booty away from this place!

I was under my shelter/invisible force field, a.k.a. my cardboard box, trying to crawl my way out of Wal-Mart. I know you may think that I cant fit in a box, but a big screen TV was in here! I think I can fit. Plus it was simple to crawl in. And when you poke your head out to tell everyone 'Welcome to Wal-Mart, home of the creeps' its pretty awesome. This box, was my life so far.

Suddenly my shelter/invisible force field disappeared, a.k.a. cardboard box, and I saw Mandy look at me oddly.

I snarled and grabbed the box away from her and started crawling yet again. This time she took it and lifted it above her head.

I had no choice but to rise to my feet if I wanted to retrieve it. But since she was tall and I short, she gave me a look, "What are you doing Cullen?"

I jumped trying to get the box. Once she saw me trying my best she lifted it higher. Why does this remind me of those old movies you see with a bully lifting a short dorks bouncy ball above they're head and picking on them?

I stopped jumping and looked at her with my eyes narrowed, then behind her. A wicked smile crawled across my face. There was a rack of paper towels behind her.

I put my hands behind my back and walked behind her, "Oh nothing. Just…testing out that box you have there." I said looking at my getaway box.

My back was to a Scott paper towel. She didn't notice.

She laughed without humor, "Yeah right. What's the point?"

"Mandy, you don't understand. I NEED that box." I said stepping up onto the rack that held the paper towels, which was pretty big if you ask me…and perfect for climbing.

She lowered the box slightly, "Why? Its pointless."

I stepped up higher, "Because that is my box…and I ugh…need to put this paper towel in it." I said pointing to the highest paper towel.

She didn't buy it, "Then why not get to the one closest to you?"

How much I hate her. Ever since I found out that the girl I did the make up to was her sister she has been treating me like dirt. But Oh well, she can step into the dark side if she wants. Fine by me.

"Well, because…this one is special." I said turning toward the rack and gripped a pole.

She looked at me, "What are you doing?"

I laughed, "Oh nothing." then I started climbing.

Mandy crossed her arms, "Your not going to get the paper towel." she said.

I was halfway at the top, "I know." I said.

Then I looked at her, "But I'm going to get that box!" I said and jumped off the rack that held the paper towels and tackled her.

Note to self: Remember to thank Emmett for the awesome WWE lessons!

Mandy squealed but I charged for the box. She clutched it to her body.

Oh that Mandy!

I grabbed her hair and tugged on it. She screamed even louder. Customers were going by with a shocked face. I literally barked at them and they ran away.

"Give me the box!" I said.

She was struggling, "Never!" she said holding on tighter.

I pulled her hair harder, "Now!"

She shook her head. I sighed and dug around my pockets. I found a mini can of hair spray.

I pulled the cap off with my teeth since my hands were occupied and aimed it at her blonde hair.

"Give me the box, or your hair gets it!" I said.

She gasped, "You wouldn't dare!" she said looking at me.

I showed her the bottle of Aussie hairspray, "Oh yes I would!"

She looked between the box and the hairspray, debating on which was more worthy.

"Dun nun…dun nun…dun nun" I said getting closer and closer to her hair.

She screamed and pushed the box to the end of the aisle.

I got up and charged for it, but she grabbed my ankle and tripped me.

I turned around and tried to kick her, but I couldn't since I had short legs.

She got up and ran for the box. I reached out for her leg, but missed, she jumped over my hand.

I slammed my fist on the floor and watched as she ran away with my box.

I shuffled to my feet and took off like a mad woman. I couldn't run like I normally would since I was in a public place with people watching. It would be kind of weird don't you think?

I chased her down the large aisles. She held the box above her head and knocked people down.

She kicked a stack of cokes that were shaped into a pyramid while running to catch me off guard. I yelled and tried jumping over them.

But I failed and fell on the floor.

She laughed at me before turning into the seasoning aisle. I growled and got back up to my feet.

I raced down the seasoning aisle, but stopped. I didn't see her anywhere. She was nowhere in site. I looked around everywhere, even behind me. I looked up just in case.

I grabbed a bottle of ketchup if needed, "Oh Mandy! Were are you?!" I said.

I walked over to the ranch section and started pulling them off the shelf.

"Mandy!" I shouted. I heard a laugh, but not a funny laugh, a ha-ha-ha-bet-you-cant-find-me laugh.

I dug harder till there was a clear sighting of the next aisle. I stuck my face in the hole of where I pulled the bottles of ranch off.

Then suddenly I spotted Mandy. She was coming my way. I smiled and squatted down a little bit, waiting for her to come in my direction.

She carried the box above her head and looked around, but she never caught me.

She took one step…two step…three step…BOOM!!!

I pulled out my ketchup and squirted it on her. She stepped back and looked at her outfit while squealing in horror.

I laughed and ran, "Sucka!"

She growled and started running for me, "ALICE!"

I laughed and ran for the clothes section. I hid behind a coast rack and waited for my prey. She would come, I would throw a jacket over her head, take the box, and…and…what exactly am I doing with a box? Oh well, I'll do something interesting with it!

Mandy looked around the clothes section, "I know your in here!" she yelled.

I watched her get closer to me. Suddenly a customer picked a coat off the rack and saw me. She screamed but I covered her mouth. Too late.

"Alice!" Mandy said when she saw me.

"Awe crap!" I said and jumped out of the rack and ran down another aisle. The bra section.

"You cant hide now Alice!" Mandy cried out.

And as much as I hate to say it, she was right. But that doesn't stop me now does it?

I grabbed a D cup sized bra, tied it around my head, and ran out of the aisle screaming and pointing at her, "Bomb! Bomb! She has a bomb!"

Her eye widened and the box looked more like weights the way she was carrying it.

The security guards tackled her and I retrieved the box while they were doing so. I ran with it above my head and into the bakery section.

A grandma looking person stared at me, but she didn't for long.

I covered myself with the box, and crawled around the store. No one would notice a box escaping Wal-Mart right? No one would care?

Suddenly I heard a guy say, "Ah finally, a box I can rest on."

He meant another box right? Like some other random box that could fulfill his needs elsewhere? As in…NOT MY BOX?! Wrong.

I felt the man sit on me, and by the looks of it, he was HUGE!

I strained under his weight a little. But not very much since I'm a vampire. Well, its his choice. He sat on me, he comes with me.

I got back on my hands and knees and crawled. The guy didn't even notice!

I could see that I was halfway To freedom when suddenly the man got off, I stopped, and the box was yet again pulled off of me.

I looked at the mans shoes, black and neatly polished, then his pants, white like a doctors, then his torso, a shirt like a doctor, then his face, Carlisle.

He raised an eyebrow, "Alice?"

"Nope, no Alice here. Just as box trying to crawl out of Wal-Mart. Now if you don't mind!" I said and tried to grab the box, but he did it…he held it above his head.

I looked at him, "Give me the box." I growled.

He made a face, "Make me."

And so we begin.


	20. Contest

_**Hello everybody. I hope you didn't think this was a new chapter, sorry if you think it was.**_

_**But I have some news to tell you, not about the movie or anything sadly, but that you should get involved. If you have any ideas suggestions etc. about chapters you would like me to write feel free. My friend suggested that I should and see how it goes. Now this is a contest, so try your hardest. The person who wins will me mentioned, not in the story unless that is good enough. Think very hard. I will check them in a couple of hours so HURRY! Reminder : This will not happen through out the rest of Interrupting Bella.**_

**Your truly,**

_**Klutzzy55**_


	21. The Evil Plot

**And now the chapter you've been waiting for! Congratulations Puppyorbat! Your idea has made this chapter. This is dedicated to you.**

Mission Impossible? Yeah, I watch it too much. But hey, that guy got skills! Once when me and Tyler spent the night we wrote down notes on how to do a round house kick. Then we TRIED to do a round house kick. Let us now bow our heads for the hamster that didn't quite make it…TYLERS FAULT!

But now is a time to act, to use every skill we learned from my 5th grade slumber party with my friends. We shall fight for the prize and take down our enemy. A.k.a. Edward Cullen.

The prize you ask? Not a medal…Bella Swan. My knees suddenly felt like jello as I walked down the hall at the thought. I will never understand why she wouldn't want me. I mean, I have everything she wants! I worked out in the gym till I thought I was going to drowned in sweat! I snuck into Hot Spot with my mom for a spray on tan…don't judge me. I even slurped down Slim Fast drinks to loose weight!!! I went to a hair stylist with a picture of Edward Cullen and said to make my hair look like his. Now my hair looks like a icky orange color because she tried to even DYE it the color. Luckily Jessica kidnapped me and fixed it back to normal.

But you get the point right?

I saw Tyler walking towards me. I merged towards him till I 'accidentally' bumped into him.

"Whoops, I'm sorry." I said and slid a note in his hand.

Once he realized that I past him a note he stuck it in his pocket. One down, one to go.

The hallway was crowded with people, always buzzing around gossiping or causing drama. I never knew so many girls could be so dramatic. Seriously, I wonder if they ever thought about trying out for a soap opera.

My goal was to get Bella before school ends, which isn't far away. Cullen has had her for too long. He even tricked me! Elvis?! Ugh! What was I thinking?! Well, actually I can tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking that since he thinks we're friends and he gave me info on how to win Bella I would try it out. That was nice of him, right? Wrong. Next thing I knew I was running to Party City with a fifty dollar bill and my dads old Elvis wig. If you've ever thought you've had a whole store stare at you…think again.

Eric was leaning against a locker trying to flirt with Cameron Reed. He flexed his non muscular arm and hid his glasses, "If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd but u and I together." he said.

He did NOT just use the quote that made my grandma fall in love with my grandpa!

She made a face, "If _I _could rearrange the alphabet I'd put f and u together!" she said with a flip of her hair that smacked Eric's face and stomped off.

I made a face and he looked stunned. I slid next to him.

"Rejected huh?" I said. He kept on staring at her as she walked off.

Then Back to me with a shrug, "Nah, she totally likes me. She's just…shy, that's all."

I tried to hold back a laugh and pulled out my note to give to him. He looked away from Cameron yet again and to my note.

"What's that?" he asked eyeing the note.

I smiled, "Give me five!" I said holding my hand up with the note in between my fingers.

He looked at me odd but slapped my hand. I ran the note into his hands, but unlike Tyler he didn't stuff it in his pocket.

He unfolded it and read it in his head. Then raised an eyebrow and looked at me.

He pointed to the note, "Why do I have your mom's grocery list?"

My eyebrows furrowed, "Grocery list?"

I took it away fro a second and re read it. Since when did milk, flour, eggs, lettuce, mayonnaise, mustard, ham, bologna, waffles, syrup, doughnuts, cake mix, Gatorade, cereal, laundry detergent and coffee have anything to do with an evil plan? Although I have to remind mom thanks for remembering to get me Gatorade.

I crumbled it up and stuck it in my pocket with a sigh.

"Well, it was suppose to say to meet me at my house after school. I'm planning major sabotage." I said to him.

He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, "And who might we do this "sabotage" against?" he said air quoting sabotage.

I rolled my eyes, "Who do you think?"

He thought for a moment, "Uh…Connor?"

I gave him a hopeless look, "Cullen?"

He gave me a look, "Alice?" he said like he couldn't believe I would do anything to her.

I growled in annoyance, "Edward you dope!"

He then smiled and popped his fake collar, "I' am dope aren't I?"

I slapped my forehead and wiped my face. Then I was leaning against the locker like him, "Listen, are you going to come or not?"

He caught sight of girls and totally lost his focus. Is he REALLY that desperate?

I lightly slapped his cheek to bring him back to reality. It worked.

"Are you?" I asked irritated.

He raised an eyebrow, "Am I what?"

I growled again, "Focus here Eric! Are you coming over after school?"

He nodded his head, "Yeah sure, sure. I'm guessing Tyler is in this too?" he crossed his arms…again.

I nodded once, "Definitely." I thought about the note I gave him and prayed that it was the right one and not some other half of the grocery list.

Eric held up his hands, "Now wait, were not going to race to the floral shop or anything again are we? Because last time something got thrown at me head. And I could have sworn I saw Cullen race off in the woods after it hit me!"

I smiled, "Nope. But that just makes you want to get back at him even more now doesn't it?" Oh I'm evil.

He pulled a bag of Skittles from his pocket and popped a red one in his mouth, "Well yeah. I'd do almost _anything_ for Bella. Besides, me and you have a better chance at getting her. I mean, _Tyler_ is the one that nearly ran over her." he said gesturing down a hall were Tyler was.

I nodded though I totally disagreed, "Yeah, sure."

He nodded up and down while chewing, "I'll come. Just make sure you have a good plan. And not dressing up as some dead rock and roll guy." he said with a smile.

I narrowed my eyes, "Don't be so sure."

The bell suddenly rang and Eric's face turned a shade paler. I sent him a death glare and walked towards my next class…the one with Edward and Bella.

"Mike!" I heard. I turned around and saw Tyler come my way.

He ran up panting and clutching his knees for support. Edward walked by eyeing him suspiciously. I tried not to look into his eyes…oh those beautiful eyes…GET A GRIP MAN!!!!

"What's wrong Tyler?" I asked watching him.

He bent up and tried to catch his breath, "Your note…I was just coming to say that I can come."

I caught Edward watching us in the corner of my eyes. Then I smiled at Tyler, "Perfect. See you there."

He put a hand on my shoulder, "And one more thing. Someone wanted me to give this to you." he said handing me an already opened envelope.

His face was hiding something…laughing?

I reached in the envelope and pulled out a photo…then gasped.

It was a photo of me singing into a mop with my Elvis costume on. I looked absolutely ridiculous. There was another photo of me making out with a picture of Bella. Hey…I thought I lost that picture? HAPPY DAY! Then there was one of me when I was fifteen in cowboy boots with Power Ranger underwear on and a cheesy grin. Eric gave me Rockstars that day…oh the fun. I gulped and found another picture, the last one might I add, of me getting into a fight…with a bush. I was screaming and throwing popcorn at it. I remember body slamming it…then my mom coming out to watch me body slam it. Ouch.

I swiftly put them back in the envelope and stared at Tyler, "Were did you get these?!" I sounded like I was out of breath. Which I probably was.

He snickered, "They were in my locker with to Mike on it. So, here you are and heres the envelope."

My eyes were wider than quarters. And then, "Mike? What are you doing to the tree?" I heard.

I didn't have to turn around to know who's voice it belonged to. But did I? Of course.

Bella big brown eyes looked at my picture that was poking out. The popcorn one.

I stuffed it back in the envelope furiously, "Nothing! Nothing at all! Just uh…some shots of uh…my mom."

Bella then smiled, "Awe how sweet! Was this when you went to Destin?"

I sighed, "Yeah…Destin."

She flashed her teeth and reached for the envelope, "Can I see?"

"NO!" I snapped.

She jumped back and looked at me if I had just bitten her. I probably did because I was guarding these pictures with my life.

A hand appeared on her shoulder, "Newton." he nodded.

I stared at him for a while, then Bella, then back, "Yes, that's me."

"I see your showing Bella your photos?" he said. Bella relaxed at his touch. Oh the envy I have.

I straightened up, confidently, "Talking about them. Yes."

He looked at Bella, "Interesting."

His face looked like he was hiding something. As if he knew something about the photos. Like he'd seen them before. Then I realized something.

My eyes narrowed and my finger jabbed into his chest, which surprisingly was as hard as stone. God he must work out a lot! I wonder were he trains?

"You stuck these in my locker." I said in a low voice. Behind me Tyler inched back to his class.

Edward raised an eyebrow, "Why would I stick your photos in your locker?"

Bella looked at me and behind me at the lockers.

I cleared my throat, "Just forget it." the bell rang and I walked to my seat.

I pulled out my books and spread the across my desk. Bella sat in front of me, naturally.

The teacher walked in with a bagel sticking out of her mouth. Then she sat it down along with her coffee on the desk and turned to us with a smile, "POP QUIZ!" she shouted.

Bella jumped so much she fell out of her chair. I popped out of my chair to go help her, but Cullen beat me to it. He ALWAYS does!

I watched him help her back to her seat and asked over thousands of times if she was hurt. I rolled my eyes. What if she DID have a concussion? What would he do? Nothing, that's what. Because I would run her down to the nurse, Bella grasping onto me, and I'd sooth her by stroking her hair. Oh yeah, she would so be in love with me. Then maybe afterwards I could run her to Baskin Robins and we'd share an ice cream, I of course Cotton Candy. She'd feel like she was getting dizzy so I'd bring her to my house, lay her on the couch, and kiss her--

My books suddenly all fell on my sensitive area, yeah, the one were the sun don't shine. I made a face and fell to the floor, clutching my torso, because it would be to much for the ladies to handle if I held on to the other part.

I tried to catch my breath and I saw the teacher, not Bella, come to my side, "You okay?" she asked.

I heard laughing in the back ground. I looked at Edward but he was writing down notes. I looked back at the teacher and smiled, "Sort of."

She nodded and helped me back to my chair. I wiped the sweat from my forehead.

Bella looked at me. I smiled, then she did it.

'My place or yours?' she mouthed.

Did she just say what I thought she said? DREAM COME TRUE!

I brushed my fingers through my hair and gave her a dazzling smile, 'Mine'.

She laughed, 'Right, like your going to eat anything!'

My face scrunched, 'What's that suppose to mean?!'

She rolled her eyes, 'I think I can fix myself something to eat. Or Rosalie'

My smile was as big as a watermelon. ROSALIE?! AND Bella? Oh my freaking god this is heaven.

'No, no. I'll fix something up for ALL of us. A little champagne some music some--

Bella suddenly looked at me funny, "Umm…Mike? Who are you talking to?"

I looked around, was this a prank? Then I leaned in closer, "You. We were talking to each other."

She laughed, "I was talking to Edward."

I felt a ping of embarrassment…okay maybe a jumbo size ping. I leaned back into my chair and jotted down notes.

Then I felt cold breath on my neck, "Your place…or mine?" said Edward.


	22. Revenge of the 3 Musketeers

I quickly grabbed the cookies out of the oven just in time. They nearly got burnt! Then I sat them on top of the oven just before I felt the heat coming through the oven mitt.

Mom walked in while putting on earrings. She gave me an odd look, "What are you doing?"

I looked at the cookies, then her, "Can't a man cook around here?" I said.

She rolled her eyes, "Real man don't cook. Or cook well. Unless your that fancy chef, Emeril." she said walking over to my batch of cookies.

My jaw dropped, "Emeril is totally my hero!" Along with Edward. Oh that hunk of man…KEEP IT TOGETHER MAN!

She quit smelling the cookies and looked at me, her eye twitching, "Who are you and what have you done with my son?"

I rolled my eyes and pulled out a spatula, "I'm having some friends over." I said side stepping her question.

She put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes, "And when were you planning on asking me if they could come over?"

I scooped up the cookies two at a time and sat them on a large crystal plate, "Why should I?"

Her jaw dropped and she rested her hand against the counter, "Because MIKE I might have invited some company over!" she said.

I laughed, "But you didn't." The last cookie stung my thumb from the heat. I jumped back and sucked on my thumb.

"That's not the point." she said getting defeated.

"Mom, if you were inviting guest I would know. Therefore I wouldn't have invited Tyler and Eric." I said running my thumb under the faucet.

She growled, "Fine. But don't get use to it. I'm not like your father." she said and walked off.

"Your right…your worse." I mumbled.

Once I finally got the cookies on the plate I ran to the refrigerator and pulled out four cherry cokes. I, of course, need the caffeine.

I held the plate above my head while carrying it up the stairs with the bottles on my other hand. Okay so maybe I watch to many movies with waiters carrying things above there heads, so what? Its totally cool.

I placed it on a table that was in the center of the room. It had three chairs around it, angled in perfection.

I placed the cokes in front of each chair and smiled, "Perfect…now…for the music."

I gracefully walked over to the radio, okay I didn't exactly, but you try walking like the Cullen's! Its not as easy as you think!, then pressed the play button.

I bobbed my head to the beat of Spice Girls that ran to my dresser to get my hairbrush.

I grabbed my sunglasses, unbuttoned my shirt, and then…

Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,  
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,  
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really  
really really wanna zigzag ha.

I was so busy singing I didn't know my friends had walked in.

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,  
Make it last forever friendship never ends,  
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,  
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is.

"Hey Tyler?" Eric said to the beat of the music.

"Yeah Eric?" he said with the same cheesy grin.

"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friend. Make it last forever friendship never ends!" they both sang together, with a high pitched voice that didn't suite them I should add, while dancing with care bears.

I threw a pillow at they're heads, "Knock it off!"

"Mike is a fruit cake!" Tyler shouted while dancing around me.

"Nuh uh! I like it to! Dem the lights Rosie!" Emmett said randomly popping in my room. What the heck? WHY IS EMMETT CULLEN IN MY ROOM?! And why is he wearing a mini skirt?

Suddenly the lights dimmed and then……

"Oh my god Rosalie, look at Mike's butt

Its so big" I turned around to look at my butt. Its not _big! _

"He looks like one of those rap guys boyfriends

Who understands those rap guys?

They only talk to him because he looks like a total male prostitute

I mean Mike's butt

It's just so big

I can't believe it's so round

It's just out there I mean, it's gross

Look, Mike's just so…white!

I like big butts and I can not lie

You other brothers can't deny

That when Mike walks in with an itty bitty waist

And a round thing in your face

You get **sprung**!

Wanna pull up tough

Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed

Deep in the jeans Mike's wearing

I'm hooked and I can't stop staring

Oh, baby I wanna get with ya" he slid up close to me. My eyes widened.

"And take your picture

My homeboys tried to warn me

But that butt you got

Makes me so--"

"EMMETT! STEP AWAY FROM MIKE!" I heard Rosalie shout.

He looked away from the window were she stood and then to me with a smile.

"Nice butt." he said with a wink, "But I've seen better."

Then with a blink of an eye, he was gone.

I stood there frozen, unable to move. My voice was caught in my throat…but not for Tyler and Eric.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!" they laughed doubling over.

I turned to see them. The laughed so much they cried. My eyes were as wide as a watermelon.

"Did you…and he….and then…HAHAHAHAHA!" Eric said trying to speak.

Tyler nodded, "And then…and she…and Mike…and…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I made a face, "Are we ever going to reveal my evil plan?"

Eric looked at me and wiped a tear, "Oh you revealed something alright!" then they went back to the laughter.

My eyes narrowed and my lips were pursed…how long will this last?

**1 hour later**

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" they went on laughing.

I had enough. I slammed my fist down on the table so hard, the cookies jumped, "Enough! You've been laughing for over an hour now!"

The both straightened up, still snickering. I exhaled loudly and pointed to there chairs, "Sit." I commanded.

They smiled while sitting down, still thinking about it.

I sat down as well and folded my hands over the table, "Now, we are talking some major business here."

They snatched a cookie and took three huge bites.

"What's the plan?" Eric said with a mouth full of cookies.

Tyler washed his cookies down with the cherry coke.

I sent them both an evil smile, then took as sip of coke as well. As soon as they looked anxious enough I leaned in close.

"So heres the plan." I said in a low voice.

**After telling Tyler and Eric his EVIL plan**

"That's it?" Eric asked chewing on his fourth cookie, "That's all we have to do?"

I nodded, "Isn't it brilliant?!"

Tyler laughed, "You SO got that from Lizzie McGuire!"

Eric laughed, "Oh yeah! I remember that episode!"

I raised an eyebrow, "You watched Lizzie McGuire?" They both sopped chewing.

They're eyes looked back and forth at each other. AHA! So they DO watch it?! I'm not alone…thank god. Now I wonder if they watch Hannah Montana?

"I've NEVER watched that queer show." Tyler said pointing to himself in a are-you-nuts kind of way.

"Yeah me neither, but my sister watches it. She tells me every episode as if I'm actually interested. Although, that Hilary girl is kind of hot." Eric said smiling while slurping his coke.

My smile dropped. Curses, I guess IAM the only one left.

"Ewe man! She is NOT hot!" Tyler said making a face as if I put something gross in the cookies.

Eric's jaw dropped, "Are you BLIND?! Hilary is smoking hot! I would date her in a heart beat!"

I rolled my eyes. Am I the only one who would dump a celebrity for Bella? Would I? **(A/N: Dun dun dun)**

"Dude, Jessica Alba is hot!" Tyler said pointing at him.

Eric rolled his eyes, "She's old enough to be my really old sister."

Tyler shrugged, "So? You remember that time you had a crush on Mike's mom--" Eric chugged a pillow at him.

"Two words, Zip. It." he said ticking them off with his fingers.

I tried to focus on the cookie in my hand and not the roll in my stomach I had. That was…extremely disturbing.

Tyler clapped his hands together, "Okay! Tomorrow…we take action!"

Everyone lifted they're glasses then took a sip.

Tomorrow…Bella is MINE!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**The next day…the day they will steal Bella from Edward…the day Mike forgot to zip his pants.**

I tapped my pencil on the desk with much anticipation. Bella was in front of me…again. Today was PERFECT I tell you! PERFECT!

You wanna know why? Of course you do! Because Edward Cullen is not here! I repeat, HE IS NOT IN THE BUILDING!

YES!!!!!!

I ran through my heads the lines I was going to say. Oh the perfect plan I have! Oh the wonderful joy I have! Oh the---OH MY GOD MY PANTS ARE UNZIPPED!

The bell rang and I swiftly zipped my pants. Only Lauren caught me zipping them. She gave me a look and I waved.

Once I waved she grabbed her books and ran out the door. Stupid blonde.

Bella was grabbing her books when I got out of my chair and walked over to her with a smile, "Bella!" I said.

She looked at me and smiled, "Hello Mike. What are you doing?"

I made a sad face, "I have some bad news. I just don't know how to tell you." I said running my fingers through my head, acting nervous.

Her smile faded, "What's wrong?" she said picking a book up.

I looked at the doorway, Eric and Tyler walked by to they're stations, then I looked back at her, "Umm…I don't know how to say this but uh…my car, it is mest up."

She made a face, "I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do for you?"

The plan is go, "You can do me a small favor. I wont ask for much."

She smiled, "Sure, sure."

I sighed and looked at my feet, "Can I show you the parts that need some fixing? I need you to tell Edward about them. Maybe you can tell him and then when he comes back he can help me." that is IF he does. Because once Bella is mine, he will be too depressed to return. MWHAHAHAHAHA! **(Nows the time to chase Mike down with Barbie dolls!)**

She collected all of her books, "Yeah that's fine. Lets go."

Mentally, I was doing flips. This was what I've been waiting for! YES!

I nodded like a gentle man I was **(Puh-lease!) **and walked towards the exit, of the school.

She walked beside me, "So, what happened?"

Oh shoot! I forgot my story…dang flabbit!

"Uh…I was on my way to school when it gave out right when I parked." I said making up a phony story.

She made a face, "That must suck. You know what happened?"

"Nope, not a clue." I said a moment TOO quick.

She jumped a little, but then kept walking.

We reached outside and I looked for Eric and Tyler's car, no where in sight.

Wonderful.

"Its just back there." I said pointing in the VERY back of the parking lot.

She squinted her eyes to find my car, "Wow, it gave out fast huh?"

I nodded, "Like I said, bad condition."

She nodded and we walked all the way to my car. I offered to carry her books, but she said that it was okay, she would carry them. What a sweetheart! Wow that sounded gay.

She looked at my car, then around it, then stood on her toes to look above it, she made a face, "I don't see anything wrong with it."

I shook my head, "Its not on the outside, its…under the hood."

She nodded her head, "Isn't it always?"

I popped the hood and hoped that the dried ice device we put under the hood worked. I bought it at Party City, it makes anything look like fog or smoke.

She coughed and tried to wave the smoke off, "Wow. I think I need to sit out for this one. Just, tell me what all you need and I'll right it down." she said turning to go in my car.

Not how I was going to plan it, but okay! The nonviolent way works too!

I heard her door slam. I counted to fifty, then shut the hood. I walked over to the drivers seat, sat down, shut the door, then pulled out my keys.

She finally saw them, "Wha…what are you doing?"

I smiled and put them in the ignition while locking the door at the same time, "Taking you out," the engine roared to life, "You might want to buckle up."

Her eyes widened as soon as the locks clicked, like a light bulb went off in her head when she realized what was going on.

I slammed on the gas, "Hold on!"

"MIKE!" She screamed as I speed of to Tyler's.

I twisted and turned down the roads, probably faster than anybody in the world! Or, anybody that Bella knows.

She looked at me, "Were are you taking me?!" she screamed.

"Oh Bella don't be that way! You know you like this! Me taking you to a secret place, escaping the school, only me and you." For now.

She growled, "Mike, I DON'T like this at all. When Edward comes back, you'll be sorry."

I laughed, "I highly doubt that!" I said.

It was silent for awhile. I pulled into Tyler's driveway, there I saw Eric and Tyler's car parked. The plan was ready.

I slid in and parked roughly. I jerked the keys out and looked at her, "You ready?"

"Your car doesn't seem to be in poor condition!" she spat.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to her side, pulled her pit, literally, and dragged her into Tyler's house.

We walked in and Tyler was already waiting at the door, "I cant believe you actually got her."

"Yeah well, join the club." Bella said eyeing him.

He smiled, "Hello Bella, don't you look beautiful today?"

She growled, "You wanna see beautiful?!" she said trying to kick him.

But then Tyler grabbed her foot, then scooped her up, "You look tired. Time for you to sit down for awhile." he said.

"WHAT?!" she said.

Then he put her in a chair, tied her up, and rolled her to a TV screen.

"Bella! So good to see you!" Eric said walking in with a film in his hands.

I smiled at him, Bella…not so much.

"I personally think you have ALL lost it!" she said.

"Temper temper, that's not how you should act." Eric said popping in a film.

She eyed the tape, "What is that?"

I smiled, "The Little Mermaid, we thought that if we scared you to death you would get use to us."

She rolled her eyes, "Little Mermaid is a cartoon."

"So?! That was the most scariest thing in the history of…scary stuff!" I said.

This time, everyone rolled there eyes.

"This Bella," Tyler said poking the TV screen, "is something that will change your life forever."

She gulped loudly. Everyone stood behind her, well, except for Eric since he had to press play, and watched the screen.

It made a noise, and then, the TV went to life.

Bella snorted, "Lion King? You think that Lion King will change my life forever?"

I looked at the screen. A monkey was holding up a cub while some people in the background were singing.

I slapped Eric's torso, "You got the wrong tape you dork!"

He rubbed his stomach, "Did not! Just be patient."

I crossed my arms and waited till it was done with the whole singing part.

Everyone watched intently as it went blue, and then the film played.

"Is that…is that Mike with a bronze wig on?" Bella asked looking at the TV.

The truth was that yes, yes it was me with a wig, but did she have to know? NO!

I rolled my eyes, "Pssh! Like I would do that."

"I don't know, ELVIS." she said coldly.

My eyes narrowed, but we all went back t watching the screen.

I walked in with the wig and Tyler with a blonde wig, a.k.a. Jasper, "Jasper," I said, "I need to tell you something."

Bella raised an eyebrow.

"I have no more feelings for Bella." I, or Edward, said.

Bella started laughing. I saw that my wig was falling off my head. Curse this cheap wig.

"I understand. Maybe Mike should have her." Tyler a.k.a. Jasper said.

"I agree, we just have to let things go." Edward, a.k.a. me said.

Then, the film stopped.

Eric walked over and took it out. We all turned to Bella with a sad smile.

"Sorry we had to show you that Bella. But it was all we could do." I said.

Bella started to sob…then she ducked her head and cried.

All of our eyes shot icicles at each other. What had we done!?

I bent down to her level, "I'm sorry Bella. But sometimes the truth hurts. Just let it out."

Everyone walked over and rubbed her back to sooth her.

"I cant…I cant…" she started to say.

"Yes?" I said.

She sniffled then straightened up, "I cant believe you'd think I'd FALL FOR THAT!"

We all tensed. I knew it was too good to be true!

"You actually expected me to sit here, tied up, and watch Mike and Tyler pretend to be Edward and Jasper?!" she growled.

We all looked at each other than her, and nodded our heads at the same time.

She laughed humorlessly, "And to think that YOU'D think that I wouldn't bring an audience?"

Wait, what audience?

"And my hair isn't that long." Jasper said stepping out of the shadows.

"I'm not that tan." Edward said walking down the stairs.

"And I'm not that tall." Alice said.

Edward and Jasper looked at her odd, "You weren't in there." Edward said.

"Sure I was, I was the lamp in the background."

"And I was the chair!" Emmett said.

I tensed at his presence. Tyler and Eric tried not to laugh.

Edward looked at us, "Nice try. But Bella prefers the Cullens."

**Pretty good huh? Thought I'd put them in there for a little kick. The song that Emmett was singing was SUPPOSE to be brittney spears, but I said, hey? This one would TOTALLY rock they're socks! Hope you liked it! This is probably the longest chapter I've written so far! Good job Puppyorbat, you made this story what it is.**

**Klutzzy55**

**chapter coming up soon! I dont know what it will be about yet, so if you want to help, feel free. But I have one in mind :**


	23. TV TIME!

Jasper POV

I watched as my pray lazily sit down in the chair. I smiled with wild eyes as he reached for the remote control. His thumb pressed the power button, but nothing happened.

I snickered behind the wall.

His face scrunched up in confusion. His thumb jabbed the power button again, this time with more force. Once he noticed that didn't work either, he aimed it upward, to see if its not aimed up with the dot thingy.

Still no use.

He growled, "What the heck?!" frustrated.

I tried not to laugh, so I bit my lips.

He got up and walked to the TV. He bent down to the power button with a mad glare and punched the power button.

No use.

He growled louder, "What the heck is wrong with this stupid thing?!" he said punching it.

His was furious, and looked like he was debating on whether or not he should go all WWE smack down on it.

I giggled quietly.  
He stood on his toes and looked at the top of the plasma for another button, there wasn't any.

He frowned and stared at the power button. A minute later he randomly punched it again…and again…and again.

I tried not to laugh, when suddenly there was a tap on my shoulder, "What going on?" Alice said.

I covered her mouth and placed a finger on my lip, "Emmett's trying to turn the new TV on." I whispered.

Alice raised an eyebrow, "And?"

I smiled and held up the scissors. She got what I was saying and tried not to laugh.

She stood next to me and we both looked around the corner.

Emmett pulled a chair over to the TV and stood on it. He looked around the whole TV for anything possible to make the dang thing turn on.

He felt around and frowned each time there wasn't anything.

He looked at the screen, "You piece of junk! Who made you? A monkey?!" he screamed at it.

Then suddenly, he pointed a finger at it, "Don't you give me that tone." he said as if the TV spoke to him.

I raised an eyebrow.

Emmett's jaw dropped, "What did you just call me?" he said to the TV.

There was a pause and then suddenly, _WHACK!_ he slapped the TV.

"Oh my god, he's officially lost it." Bella said watching Emmett also.

Me and Alice looked at her, then back.

"Well that's what you get for calling me a monkey!" he said putting his hands on his hips.

Edward stood next to Bella, "Oh my god, this cant be right." he said looking at Emmett.

"Its Emmett…he not right." Alice said making a face.

"Hold on." Edward said taking off…then coming back with a video camera.

Bella's jaw dropped, "You wouldn't!"

"This is nothing compared to everything else Bella." Jasper said.

Bella gulped, then looked back at Emmett.

Emmett snapped his fingers in a Z formation, "You did NOT just go there."

There was a pause.

Emmett's jaw dropped, "Well…you look like a piece of cheese! Oh! What now?!" he said twisting his arms…wait…is that suppose to be a gangster sign?

"You getting this?" I asked Edward.

"Oh yeah." he said filming Bella.

I slapped the video camera, "Emmett you creep!"

Edward stuck his tongue out then filmed Emmett.

"You know what? BITE ME!" Emmett screamed.

He then jumped back like the TV said something…like a come back.

"Oh! So you're a smart alec now are ya? Well guess what? IM ALREADY BITTEN! Yeah, I said it!" he said dancing.

The TV must have said something to him.

"Well looks like your too late. Besides, I'd rather be a sexy vampire than a freaking jack in the box." he said flicking the TV.

Then he put his hands up, "Fine you're a TV, my bad. But your still a jack in the box." he sniffed.

"Oh wow, that kung fu fly has nothing on this." Alice said.

Bella raised an eyebrow, "Kung Fu Fly?"

Alice looked at her, "Yup." she popped her lips on the "P".

Bella looked at Edward, then back to Emmett shrugging.

Emmett jaw dropped, "THAT IS INAPPROPRIATE YOUNG BOX! HOW DARE YOU USE THAT WORD!"

Everyone uncovered they're ears.

"Not in my house you don't!" he then hit the TV.

Then, the chair broke. Emmett fell down with a huge thud. The floor rumbled a little and the chandelier bounced.

Emmett got up grunting, "Smooth move genius, but I bet you cant do it like me!" he jumped up and swatted the TV…for the hundredth time.

"I wonder how many times he will hit that thing till it falls." Bella said, then she looked at me, "Why in the world is he doing this in the first place?"

I looked at her, "I clipped the wire so he couldn't watch TV. Hilarious huh?"

"I'm a little frightened, but yeah, sure." she said.

Edward looked at her and wrapped his arms around her holding her to his chest, "I'm sorry his lack of intelligence scares you."

Bella laughed, "Maybe I should get scared more often." she said in his arms.

Edward let go, "Responsibility Bella."

She smiled a cheesy smile, "What does that mean?"

"Cut it out guys! Look what he's doing now!" Alice whispered.

Bella and Edward rushed back and watched him, Edward filming.

"Well my old TV new how to turn on! What now you infested but hair?" Emmett said.

Alice rolled her eyes, "He so got that from me."

I raised an eyebrow, "Why would you say that?"

"Because it's a knee slapper!" she said with a smile.

I twitched away from her.

"Oh yeah?! It also had NFL!" he screamed.

Edward made a noise, "Ever TV invented has NFL genius."

"Oh really? What kind? Animal!" he screamed.

I REALLY didn't want to know what that meant, but suddenly Edward curled up in the fetal position rocking back and forth, "I'm in my happy place, I'm in my happy place." he said.

Bella grabbed the camera and filmed while Edward zoned out.

"Well, mine has videos of Jasper trying on Alice's clothes!" Emmett said.

Alice's jaw dropped and I felt her hand wack the back of my head.

"You did what?!" she barked.

"That wasn't me! I swear!" I shot back.

"Then who did it?" she challenged.

"Carlisle!" I said.

"CARLISLE?!" she scream/whispered.

"Honest! I mean, it had to be him, because he is the only one with blonde hair except for me." I said.

She gritted her teeth, "May I invite you all to Carlisle Cullen's funeral?" she said.

"Oh! When?!" Bella said.

"Give me a minute." she said fixing to stomp away to get him.

I grabbed her arm, "Wait till Sir Talksalot is done."

She looked at me and then back with a sigh, "Fine."

We all looked at Emmett…except for Edward.

"Did you just hit on me?" he said in a disgusted tone.

His jaw dropped, "Well I'm flattered that you think that…but come on man! That's so….unmanly!"

"Oh, that took a lot of effort to come up with…unmanly." Alice said mocking his voice.

I snickered.

Emmett covered his butt with a pillow, "Ew you perv! Quite looking at my booty!"

He then grabbed a blanket and wrapped himself up, "Quite looking at meeee!" he whined.

Then he got up closer to the TV, "What will your wife think?" he said in a low voice.

"Since when does TV's have wives?" Bella asked.

"Since when did vampires talk to you?" I said.

She crossed her arms, "They talked to me first." she stuck her tongue out.

I mentally slapped myself, I forgot all about that.

Emmett stood at the far end of the room, "Okay I wont get so close next time!" he said.

I raised an eyebrow…do I _want_ to know?

Emmett hen laughed really hard and doubled over.

I stared at Alice, who stared at Edward, who of course, stared at Bella.

Alice slapped his arm, "What the heck is going on with Emmett?" she asked him.

He shrugged, "Something about…modeling?" he said making a face.

Everyone shivered at one time.

Suddenly, Emmett nodded and went to the farthest side of the room. Then ever so gracefully strutted up and down the floor like…like Tyra Banks.

I pressed my lips together and tried not to laugh.

"Oh yes, and strut, now do the tiger, then freeze!" he said the struck a pose like a tiger.

I couldn't help it, I fell down laughing, doubling over and rolling. I noticed Alice had joined.

Emmett stopped posing and looked at me and then Alice, "What are you guys doing?" he asked.

I tried to get up, but I was laughing so hard that I was weak.  
Then he saw Edward and Bella filming him. His eyes changed from anger, to rage.

"YOU IDIOTS!" then the film went blank.

**A/N Not my best. It was originally suppose to come after the king fu fly chapter, but I never posted it. Hope you liked it, it came to me without warning. Next chapter will feature Emmett and his day off work! Oh the joy...**

**REVIEW!!!!**


	24. Wax Museum

**I know its suppose to be Emmett's day off, but this just floated into my head and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Based on personal references!**

**ENJOY!!!**

Rosalie twirled her blonde hair around her wrist while reading "Dreamland" with furrowed eyebrows. Bella watched her face change moods every once in awhile, then her eyes would widen when Rosalie threw the book down screaming, "COME ON! FIGHT BACK YOU WEAKLING!!!!"

Alice was making Jasper fit into a new collection of Dolce & Gabbanna tube tops. She would frown every time it was too tight or "accidentally" ripped when he bent over to pick up an invisible object.

Emmett was playing with his blinky thing that only god knows how he managed to get it past the employees.

Edward was teaching Esme, of all people, how to sew while Carlisle watched in envy.

Bella sighed and leaned far back into her chair with her arms crossed, "I'm bored. Is this what you do every Saturday?" she said asking any vampire in the house, since they all had superb hearing.

Rosalie dropped her book an inch or two to look Bella square in the face, "Yes this is what we do. Now if you don't like it then you can get the--"

"Rosalie!" Esme screamed from upstairs.

Rosalie sniffed and turned her nose back to the book in front of her.

"All I'm saying is that…why don't we DO something?" Bella asked leaning her head against the chair.

Carlisle was suddenly sitting next to Rosalie, "But we ARE doing something, Bella." he said half confused.

"I mean, we should get out of he house and DO something. I mean, I know Jasper is just itching to get out of that leather tube top,"

Alice shot daggers at Jasper and Bella, "Is that what you think?"

"And Emmett has been rubbing that blinky thing like a genie's lamp,"

Emmett clutched it to his chest, rubbing it while saying, "My precious."

"And Edward! If he doesn't get out here sooner or later he's going to turn into a grandma!" she said making a disgusted face.

Edward was suddenly next to Bella with a knitted booty in his hand, "Esme made me."

Esme came down, "Did not!"

"What the French, toast?" Edward said making it sound like "What the heck dude?!"

"You son of a biscuit eating bull dog!" Esme said stepping into the hazard zone.

Edward made a face, "You cootie queen!"

"Who are you calling cootie queen you lint licker!" Esme said stepping closer. Bella's eyes widened and Rosalie actually put the book down to watch.

Emmett held up Orbit gum that came out of thin air and wore a blonde wig, "Dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbit."

Edward and Esme smiled. They're venom coated teeth actually and literally sparkled like in the commercials.

"Fabulous." Emmett said with a cheesy smile.

It was silent for a moment, everyone staring at the three vampires, when Bella coughed loud enough to draw back everyone's attention, "I have a idea!"

"No we're not going to have a contest on who can hold they're breath and no you cant bake garlic bread and feed it to us while we pretend to die like Count Dracula." Rosalie said dryly, turning her attention back to her book.

"Man, you take the fun out of funny Rosalie." Emmett said pouting like a five year old.

Bella shook her head, "No, none of that. I was thinking more along the lines of a wax museum!" her eyes sparkled and she had a joyfully expression on her face. Like a cheerleader at a pep rally.

"No way! The closest wax museum is in Nebraska!" Jasper said frowning.

Bella shook her head again, "They just opened up a new celebrity wax museum in Seattle. I think we should go check it out." she informed.

Edward raised an eyebrow, "When did they even BUILD it?"

She looked at him, "They've been working on it for months. It just opened a couple of weeks ago."

Esme smiled, "That would be lovely! Oh Carlisle, I think we should go!" she said turning to him with a sweet smile.

He smiled and turned to the rest of us, "Fine by me."

Oo

The Cullen's and Bella pulled into a parking space after they drag raced a old lady in a 94 Volkswagen. She shook her fist a spat Russian cuss words. Rosalie burst out laughing then rolled the window down.

"You sausage wallet!" she screamed shaking her fist at the old lady..

Carlisle's eyes widened, "Rosalie Hale!" he said.

She laughed and sat back down in her chair, "What?! Its not like she was born in the Renaissance century." she said.

What Rosalie did just know is called the lady a dirty word in a old language. It was during the time when knights were jousting, which is when they rode horses and wore armor while carrying a stick under they're arm pit and stabbed the other in the gut to impress the princess. **(A/N: This is really a dirty word back then. I saw it on an episode on MTV when some girls went to a Renaissance fair to meet the "queen" and one girl called her a sausage wallet. Oh it was hilarious!)**

Everyone got out of the car and walked up to the ticket booth. When they were next in line you could see a HUGE wax figure of King Kong.

Emmett pointed, "KING KONG!" he said beating his chest they way the wax figure did. Only Emmett screeched like a gorilla, ouch.

Rosalie covered his mouth and everyone sighed.

"Okay McDreamy how many?" a lady behind the cash register said to Carlisle. Esme's eyes turned a shade deeper when they narrowed at the lady.

"Uh…eight please." he said counting everyone and looking down at his fingers.

"All adults?" she asked eyeing Emmett.

Carlisle sighed, "Yup."

She looked back at Carlisle, "Even…gorilla boy down there?" she asked pointing to Emmett who scooped Rosalie up and held her above his head like she was a sacrifice.

She slapped him, "Put me down or no Victoria's Secret!"

His eyes widened, "But they have a new catalog!" he whined.

"Well, put me down then and maybe you can get it!" she screamed.

Emmett dropped her from above his head instead of gracefully putting her down. She landed with a thud.

Carlisle looked back at the lady, "Yes…even Gorilla boy." he said looking away from his son.

The lady shook her head and totaled up everything, "$157.98" she said.

His jaw dropped, "What kind of place are you running here?" he said, his voice cracking.

She raised an eyebrow, "A joint, now pay up." she said holding her hand out.

He pursed his lips, but slapped the money in her hand, "Keep the change." he said darkly.

She gave him the biggest fake smile known to man kind, "Have a nice trip."

Everyone walked through the double doors and down a tunnel that twirled around them while they held onto bars and walked through.

Bella threw herself out and landed on the floor, "LAND!" she screamed and kissed the floor.

The Cullen's went through the tunnel of doom like a professional. Bella… not so much.

Once she stood up her breath was caught in her throat, "Whoa!" was all she could get out.

Everywhere they looked they were surrounded by old and new celebrity's. Alice walked in front of everyone, "I think I'm in love." she said eyeing the Leonardo DiCaprio wax figure that was standing on the Titanic extending his arms like that one famous scene in "Titanic".

Jasper scooted close to her, "I didn't know I looked like Leonardo DiCaprio." he said.

She looked at him confused, "You don't" she said flat out, then turned back to the wax figure.

"But you just said you think your in love." he said now confused.

"I' am…I'm in love with Leonardo." she said sighing at the wax figure.

Emmett rolled his eyes until they spotted Tyra Banks, "OH MY GOD!" he squealed and raced to her wax figure. She wore a push up bra and winked at the people who past by her, or in Emmett's case, embraced her, "She looks just like the photo's in the fall catalog!" he said referring to Victoria's Secret, naturally.

Carlisle clapped his hands together, "Okay now, we all have to stick together--"

"BRAD PITT!" Rosalie screamed and raced of, tackling the wax figure, knocking Angelina Jolie, that stood next to him, towards the Oscar Winning section. Brad was holding a gun in one hand and stood back to back, or did, to Angelina Jolie. The way they had for Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

"Or near each other--" Carlisle tried to say.

"DUANE "THE ROCK" JOHNSON!" Jasper said running towards the wax figure of the retired wrestler and know actor. The wax figure still had him in his old wrestling outfit. He wasn't smiling at all, "You're my hero!" Jasper said holding onto him.

"Just don't get lost--" Carlisle tried saying.

"COUNT DRACULA!" Bella raced over to a horror section that was a whole mile away and jumped on his back. He held his cape out and had a evil expression. His mouth was open in a hissing sort of way and showed his long fangs.

The Cullen's stopped doing what they were doing and looked at Bella in horror.

She exposed her neck to his foam fangs, "If Edward wont bite me…then you will!" she screamed.

A customer walking near by stopped starring at the shirtless George Clooney and looked at The Cullen's and Bella.

Carlisle simply put on a twitching smile and said, "Kids these days."

Carlisle and Esme

"Carlisle come here, look at this actor. He looks EXACTLY like you!" Esme said to Carlisle.

Carlisle quit staring at the play boy bunny's and walked over to Esme. She stood in front of an actor that looked like he could be Carlisle's identical twin.

He raised an eyebrow, "Who is that?" he asked eyeing the figure.

Esme bent down to look a the plague with his name on it, "Charlie Hunnam… from "Abandoned". " she said reading off the name. Charlie was holding up a lantern and was wearing a grey tuxedo. His blond hair matched Carlisle's and they wore the same expression.

Carlisle stared at it, "Huh, interesting. But I have better abs." he said looking at the actors flat stomach.

Esme laughed, "No, I think you share that characteristic quality with Mr. Hunnam." she said looking at the wax figure.

His jaw dropped, "Oh please! I SO have better abs!" Carlisle said poking his stomach.

Esme snorted, "Right, from all of that surgery you do at the hospital you get a work out."

A customer near by took a double take of Carlisle, then the wax figure of Charlie Hunnam.

"Oh jeez Esme you know I do! I have WAY better muscles then wax boy over here!" he said pointing to Charlie.

The customer slyly took a picture of Carlisle pointing to the wax figure.

"I still don't believe you." she said walking off, swishing her hips.

His jaw dropped, then suddenly he whipped off his shirt, "BEHOLD!" he shouted exposing his abs.

The customer fainted, "Dear Jesus!" she cried and toppled over.

Bella and Edward

"Bella you can get off of him now." he said pulling on Bella.

She snapped at his hand and held on tighter to Collin Farrell. Her face showed pleasure.

He huffed, "This is seriously wrong. He is like ten years older than you! Almost thirty!"

Her eyes narrowed and she pursed her lips, "And your like 32712638768768 years older than me! NOW HUSH!" she barked and went back to laying on Collin.

He was wearing a cow boy suit from his old film American Outlaw. Bella sighed and kissed his cheek, then made a face, "EW GROSS!" she said and hoped off wiping her tongue with her hands.

Edward raised an eyebrow, "What the heck happened?" he asked happily.

She wiped her tongue some more, "I kissed him and he tasted like…wax!" she said.

Edward rolled his eyes, "Imagine that."

She stuck her tongue out and did raspberries, "That was SICK!" she screamed licking the wall to get the taste out.

"Bella you weren't suppose to lick it when you kiss it!" Edward said watching Bella as she ran around licking anything possible in amusement.

Bella sat on a couch that had Austin Powers laying on it and huffed, "It wasn't like last time." she said bummed.

Edwards eyes widened, "Last time?" he said confused.

She nodded, "I was at the same restaurant as him this one time and I jumped him. I of course licked him, then well…now I have a restraining order put on me" she huffed again and laid back, "Love stinks…or taste bad." she made a face.

Suddenly the Austin Powers figure goes, "Yeah baby yeah!"

Bella ran into Edward arms like Scooby Doo and shaggy. She screamed and pointed at Austin Powers, "ITS POSSESED!"

Rosalie and Emmett

"Take this! And that! And a little bit of this! And some more of that!" Emmett said punching the head off of a werewolf.

Rosalie was sitting on the floor watching him, "As much as I like watching you beat the living lights out of the were wolf it gets annoying at times." she said crossing her arms.

Emmett did a round house kick and the werewolf's head flew farther back into the horror films and mythical creature section, "AND DON'T COME BACK JACOB!" he screamed.

Rosalie raised an eyebrow, "Jacob Black?" she asked.

He looked at her, "Yeah. Hey that reminds me of a song!" he said.

Her face dropped, "Oh dear lord…"

"Hit the road Jack…and don't you come back _no more_, no more, **no more**, NO MORE!" he sang.

Rosalie got up swiftly and walked over to the Chain Saw Massacre. She snorted and pointed at it, "It looks like Alice in the morning."

Emmett made a face, "But doesn't she look the same as she did in the afternoon as she does in the morning?" he asked.

She laughed, "Exactly!" she leaned her head back and shouted, "MWHAHAHAHAHA!" while rubbing her hands together evilly.

Emmett paid no attention to his insane wife and instead walked to the Athletic section. He stood back to back with Michael Jordan and smiled, "How do I look?" he tried his greatest impression of Michael Jordan.

Rosalie chuckled, "Like Chewbacca!" she said laughing.

He frowned, "Nuh uh!" he walked to the Star Wars section, "THIS is Chewbacca."

Rosalie rolled her eyes, men will never take a diss correctly. She walked over to Charlie's Angels and her eyes brightened, "MY HOME GIRLS!" she shouted.

Emmett squealed, "JOSEY AND THE PUSSY CATS!" he bumped the lead singer out of the way with his hip and stood behind the microphone.

"Heres a story…of a girl named...named…Rosalie! What was that mother on the Brady Bunch called?" he called out when he forgot.

Rosalie walked over to the Brady Bunch wax figures and looked at the plaque, "Florence Henderson." she said.

He shook his head, "That's the actress! She's no use."

"Well then…do some other song!" she said looking at the Jonas Brothers wax figures.

He smiled, "Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend!"

"ARREST HIM!" said a random cop coming around the corner.

"EEK!" Rosalie said running off.

Emmett's jaw dropped, "For WHAT?!" he whined.

The cop suddenly smiled, "For being so darn sexy." he said twirling cuffs around his finger.

Emmett gulped.

Alice and Jasper

"I can see it in you future…you will buy me Dior's company!" Alice said looking into a crystal ball with Jasper on the other side. Merlin the Magician was also there watching the crystal ball intently.

He sighed, "Alice I already told you that I wasn't going to buy you the company!" he said.

Alice narrowed her eyes, then she looked at the crystal ball again, "Oh! I see something else!"

Jasper looked at the crystal ball, "What?!"

She looked at him, "A divorce." she said sourly. She got up and walked around the section they were in, Disney.

"Awe Alice!" Jasper said chasing after her.

She stopped and turned to him, "Are you going to buy me the company?" she asked.

He chewed on his lower lip, "NoooooYesss!" he said changing his answer when her face turned evil.

She smiled, "Good!" she kissed him and then linked arms. They mimicked the Wizard of Oz wax figures that were not too far away.

Jasper walked in a slump way.

He sighed, "This Disney section is boring. Were is the Pirate of the Caribbean section?" he asked looking around.

Alice shrugged, "I don't know, but I'll let you know when I see it." she had a evil smirk.

Jasper gulped loudly but continued to walk with his wife. They stopped at parts like Lilo and Stitch, Alice's favorite. She even gasped when they reached Alice in wonderland. They stopped there and made out till the stupid cat's tail poked her in the back. She attacked the Beast from Beauty and the Beast while Jasper tried to calm her down.

She pointed at him, "HE NEVER CALLED ME BACK!"

At one point they ran into Harry Potter, he was placed in the wrong section and even had his name spelt wrong.

Alice snorted, "Harry Pooter." she said reading of the typo. She jumped up there and tried to make Harry and Hermione kiss but all that did was make they're heads pop off.

She growled and continued down the section. Ariel sat on a rock while Eric was in the background watching her.

"What a stocker…he's like Edward." Jasper said looking at Eric.

They stopped at Snow White and Jasper pulled the bird off her finger and reenacted World War One.

While Jasper was busy doing his thing Alice roamed off…alone.

And then she spotted it…in the far corner were no one was able to see it…but she did…..

Meeting Back Together

"One…Two…Three…Four…Five…Six…were Emmett and Alice?" Carlisle asked counting out everyone.

Everyone shrugged except for Rosalie and Jasper.

Carlisle looked at them, "Were are they?" he asked.

"Well…" Rosalie started to say.

But then Emmett was running like lighting to the rest of the group, shirtless and cuffed, "DEAR LORD SOMEONE CALL THE MENTAL INSTITUTION!"

A cop popped out from behind the corner, "OH EMMETT!" he shouted twirling Emmett's shirt above his head like a stripper.

"Meep" Emmett ran off.

Everyone watched him run with cuffs behind his back. Carlisle turned to Jasper, "Okay…were is Alice?" he asked.

Jasper shrugged when suddenly the speakers rang, and then, "Attention all costumers…but it seems that we have a missing Orlando Bloom, if you see it anywhere then please contact the front office. Thank you." said the speaker.

They all looked at each other then at the Disney section, "ALICE!" they all screamed together.  
"RUN ORLANDO RUN!" said a streak of black and white with Orlando tucked under her like a football…Alice.


	25. Intervention

Emmett walked in with a white tee shirt and ripped pants. He was nearly bouncing, until he saw the million people in the same room. His eyes swiftly looked at the camera men, then back to the people. The people were his family, and some co workers. What was going on?

"Take a seat, Emmett." said a man that looked like a hawk. He wore thick rimmed glasses and had puny little eyes. He looked tall and skinny, and impossible to talk to. He had a clip board in one hand and a pen that had his name on it in the other.

Emmett looked at the chair he was pointing to, then to his family. Esme was dry sobbing into Carlisle's chest and his brothers wouldn't look at him. Bella, Rosalie, and Alice all shook they're heads. His co workers kept on sighing. What in the world is going on? What did Jasper do to everyone's emotions?!

Emmett took a seat across from Rosalie and looked at everyone in the eyes. None looked back, except for bird man.

Bird man leaned up in his chair and looked Emmett straight in the eyes, "Emmett Cullen, I believe?" he asked already knowing the answer.

Emmett looked at him confused, "Umm…yeah?" his eyes shifted to everyone.

He sighed and peeled his glasses off, "Do you KNOW why your in the room?" he asked, totally serious.

Emmett looked at everyone's face again, then the camera. Suddenly he smiled the biggest smile in history, "Yes I do! I'm being Punk'd! Oh my god this is great! Were is Ashton!" he said turning around in his chair, "ASHTON! OH ASHTON KUTCHER!" she yelled.

"Stop it Emmett, this isn't Punk'd." Rosalie said very seriously.

Emmett laughed and sat back down, "Then what is this? Intervention? Hah!" he snorted.

Everyone looked back and forth from each other. Esme leaned up and placed her hand over mine, "Sweetie, this IS intervention." she said softly.

Emmett raised an eyebrow, "Umm…I was just joking. I didn't really mean it." he said confused.

"Emmett you're here because you are addicted." the bird man said flipping through pages of non sense.

Emmett looked at bird man, "Addicted to what? I have no addiction! What the crap!" he suddenly stopped and his face fell, "Oh my god," he looked at the bird man, "This is the part were you murder me, isn't it?"

Bella stifled a laugh and looked at her fingers that were intertwined with Edward.

Emmett stood up, "I'M NOT GAY! DON'T TAKE ME! I'M TO SEXY TO DIE!" he screamed.

A camera man started to chuckle till bird man shot him a look. He stopped.

"No Emmett, we're not here for that." he simply said.

Emmett sat down, keeping his eyes on Rosalie, "Okay then, is it my addiction to…sorry Rose…my addiction to seeing my wife in a bathing suite?" he asked.

The camera man laughed again, very hard. Rosalie looked like she was going to blush, and Emmett sat there curious at what the heck was going on. He was stuck in a small room with nothing but chair and his family and not so very good friends. He received a call saying that if he showed up here he would win unlimited Twinkies. Pssh, yeah right. The closest thing to a Twinkie was fatso behind him.

Bird man sighed, "No Emmett…your addiction," he paused and looked at his family, then back, "Your addiction to…the blinky thing."

Emmett sucked in a deep breath. How did they know, "I don't know what your talking about." he said crossing his arms.

"Oh don't play that game with us Emmett. You sit there day by day useless because of that…that darn blinky thing!" Jasper said finally looking at him.

Emmett narrowed his eyes at him, "Don't make me get that picture of you kissing that girl you were supposable doing CPR on!" he threatened. Jasper backed down and Emmett snapped his fingers in the Z formation,   
"Ummm Hmm, that's right honey!" he said.

"Emmett, your family is just doing what's best for you." the bird man said after his episode.

Emmett looked at him, "I don't understand." he said.

Bird man sighed, "Understand what?" he asked.

Emmett laughed, "Why you cross your legs like a girl!" he busted out laughing and nearly made the chair fall over.

Bird man's face turned red. So he was a cardinal? MWHAHAHAHA!

"Emmett why do you take this as a joke? It's no laughing matter." he said.

Emmett rolled his eyes, "You guys are seriously messed up. Don't you think I watch Intervention? Besides, I don't have anything wrong with me." he said grabbing a hand full of cashews next to him and ate them. Then realized he wasn't suppose to eat them. The Cullen's looked at him oddly, so did Emmett.

"Emmett your addicted to the blinky thingy!" Bird man said getting angry.

Emmett rolled his eyes, "So I get amused easily, no big deal. If you want to get somebody with an addiction around here you should get Edward," he said pointing to him, Edward's face paled, "He's obsessed with her." he pointed to Bella.

Bird man shook his head, "Its not the same." Edward sighed.

"Yes it is! He's like a stocker! He watches her sleep!" Emmett blurted out with a mouth full of wasted cashews, pointing at him.

Edward sunk down in his chair and hid his face. Bella could have sworn she heard him say something like "that's not all".

Bird man looked at Edward, then Emmett, "Well, unlike him, we got a call. They are concerned and even sent me videos. Now we can take this easy or we can take this hard. Your choice." he said slapping his hand on the clipboard.

Emmett flexed his muscles, "I like it hard." he said.

Everyone growled and watched as bird man pulled out a tape. He popped it in the VCR and it played on the very tiny TV. He pressed play and the video did just that.

Emmett was sitting on a couch rubbing the blinky thing while Rosalie and Alice were fist fighting. Then it flashed another image of Emmett and the blinky thing while Carlisle dumped him on the beach. Everyone stared at him and his sparkly self when suddenly they screamed and ran. There was another thing were he was sitting on a bench with the blinky thing and a hot girl asked him out. He didn't say anything, instead he stroked the blinky thing. And then another of a piece of toast smacking him across the face, due to Jasper, but Emmett didn't do anything. He just stroked the blinky thing. There was even one of a celebrity asking him if he was single and he didn't respond. This was too much..

"STOP! TAKE IT OUT! TAKE IT OUT!" Emmett screamed shielding his eyes.

The bird man pulled the VCR out and shook it in his hands, "Now you see. You are affected a rare disease, obsessive over amusing things disorder." bird man said shaking his head.

Esme then wailed into Carlisle's chest with fake tears. The employee stared at him and shook his head while mouthing, 'How could you?'

Emmett swallowed the cashews, hard, and looked at Bella. She held a strong face, but could never be the same.

The bird man sighed, "Your family and friends have all come together to tell you something." He looked at Jasper, and nodded.

Jasper nodded back, then stood up, a piece of paper in his hands, "Emmett," he read, "We have been with each other for some time now, and every day it was something special. Playing Halo with you till six in the morning was the highlight of it all. We were so close, and never departed. I will never forget the day when we…" he paused and looked around the room. Alice crossed her arms and sent him a look to proceed with caution. Jasper cleared his throat then started again, "Fun times fun times, anyway, I want you to know that I want this insanity to stop right now. Because of that stupid…blinky thing our quality time has shrunken to a dangerous low. Please, for the sake of…" he paused again and looked around the room, Alice was fixing to blow, "for the sake of…of Rosalie! Yeah, for her, please take up this offer and stop the madness. DIE BLINKY THING DIE!" he suddenly shouted, ripping the paper. Alice still held the same expression, but an employee was inching toward the door.

He smiled, "That is all I have to say." he skipped to his chair and sat down next to Alice, slowly.

Bird man blinked then looked at Alice, "That was…fascinating…Alice?"

Alice took in a sharp breath, then jumped up into the middle of the room with a sheet of paper. She faced Emmett and opened her mouth, "Emmett ever since you brought sexy back I knew that you were my girl," everyone looked at each other with confused, "I will never forget when we first saw each other and you said…'Hey there Delilah'. Maybe that the way you lived, maybe your lip gloss was poppin, but whatever it is, it was my great escape. So whatever this blinky thing has done to you…please take the chance we give you, then we can see how far we've come. No misery business…because Emmett, when darkness turns to light, it ends tonight. So call me when your sober… as I would like to rephrase my friend…PEACE OUT!" she said punching her chest twice then held out two fingers. In the blink of an eye she was back in her chair.

Suddenly Emmett started clapping and wiped imaginary tears from his eyes, "That was AWESOME Alice!" he told her.

She stood up, took a bow, then sat back down. The bird man narrowed his eyes at Emmett, "You DO know that that speech was for you, right?" he said.

Emmett raised an eyebrow, "Seriously?"

Everyone growled and slapped there forehead as if saying all hope was gone.

The bird man sighed, "Yes, and so was the speech Jasper gave you."

Emmett looked confused, "Jasper read a speech to me?" he asked.

Rosalie growled, "You TOTALLY ruined the moment!" she said gritting her teeth.

Emmett jumped back, "Did you read a speech to me Rosalie?" he asked now curious…and amused.

She snatched a piece of paper that was beside her and stood up, flipping her hair. A camera man was drooling, "To my brain dead husband whom I love so much. Not only have I been married to you for over 4832078439790 years, but I still have the same feelings. You amuse me at one point but totally embarrass me at others. Sometimes I want to get Edward's chain saw that he hid from Esme and totally do damage to your stone body," Esme sent daggers at Edward, he looked away, "But other times I can at least hug you. But at times like these when your pointless to do either, I want to rip my hair out for fun," Emmett flinched from the thought, "So would you PLEASE take this stupid thingy to cure you so I wont go bald?" she huffed, crumbled up the paper, and sat back down, crossing her legs and arms and bouncing her foot.

The bird man started laughing, "Very touching Rosalie…Edward? Anything you have to say?" he asked leaning over to look at Edward.

Edward shrugged, stood up with his hands in his pocket and said, "Emmett…just go." then sat back down and placed his arms around Bella's shoulder. She chuckled underneath his arm.

"Couldn't have said it better than myself, Carlisle?" the bird man said lying through his teeth.

Carlisle grabbed Esme and they stood up with no papers, "Son," they said looking at Emmett, "we don't need to say anything…because Alice already told us the ending of this…so…yeah." they sat back down and had shifty eyes. Wow…very powerful speech Carly.

The bird man through his clip board down, "People! Your son/brother is insane! Why don't you make a better speech to motivate him?! Huh!?" he said standing up with a vein popping out.

Emmett said in small voice, "Someone's a little cranky."

The bird man looked at him with rage filled eyes, "I'm cranky? I'M CRANKY?! You insane people don't know what you talking about! I rule this place, I deserve a better raise! I have a prostitute waiting at my apartment right now! And I have wasted my time to be with her, to help your mental child! Now, either he goes and gets help. Or not. Either way, I'm going back to my apartment in exactly three minutes! Now move it people!" he screamed to the top of his lungs.

Behind the scenes with Emmett

"Yeah I was really worried about him at that point. His face was all red and I thought I was going to have to pull out my kung fu moves. But anyhow, after they took him off the set I could actually breath. Though the man never returned to his apartment and was placed in GreenFields Institute for the Angered, he seemed happy. Or at least he said he would come back to see me, but what I thought was strange is how he said it. It was like, 'This isn't our last meeting Cullen! I will find you one day! We will meet again!'…so yeah, he seemed to take this well."

Behind the scenes with Esme

"I really thought that Alice was just kidding when she said that the bird looking guy was going to be dragged off of the set. Poor fellow, he seemed…odd. But to admit that he had a prostitute at his apartment? Oh the humanity! But did I say anything? No, I kept my mouth shut."

Behind the scenes with Alice

"I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU ALL! BUT NOOOO! ALICE IS JUST A STUPID LITTLE VAMPIRE WITH GREAT FASHION AND A SEXY HUSBAND! YOU WILL SEE! YOU WILL ALL SEE!" she stand on her chair, "I SHALL RULE THE WORLD!" Jasper carries her off set.

Behind the scenes with Edward and Bella

"yeah…I knew they would never get Emmett to go. He's so stupid." Edward said.

Bella slaps his arm, "Edward!" she says.

"Am I wrong? Honestly Bella…what would they think at the institute? A man walking in to get therapy for a blinky thing?" he said ticking off things.

Bella was silent, "Okay…maybe your right."

Behind the scenes with Carlisle

"Ummm…this was a very strange experience. I never thought that Intervention could cause so many bloody noses. But the worst was when Esme went off on bird man…such a foul mouth. She claims that Emmett taught her…but after I threatened him with Dramamine, he seemed to say it wasn't his fault."

Behind the scenes with Jasper

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

**Well, that's all for today. I'm off to watch Dracula 2000. **

**REVIEW!**


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